Jessica Simpson Sometimes Cleans Her Teeth With Her Sweater

Jessica Simpson explained to iheartradio how she maintains her pearly whites: “I don’t brush my teeth. No, really! I just use Listerine — and sometimes I’ll use my sweater.” Meanwhile, her reported paramour, Smashing Pumpkins front man Billy Corgan, said to Rolling Stone of Simpson’s ex John Mayer, that it’s “hard to watch someone literally burn their career to the ground — speaking as somebody who’s done it.” And VH1 execs are trying to cut Jessica Simpson’s hairdresser/BFF/Oscar date, Ken Paves, out of The Price of Beauty, which is a challenge since he squeezed himself into basically every scene.

One would think it would be hard to find a “manager” less qualified than Spencer Pratt, but Heidi Montag was up to the challenge. She fired her husband/manager and replaced him with a psychic from Malibu named Aiden Chase, noting, “having an intuitive psychic leading my team gives me an edge no one else has.” Celebrity Rehab is trying their darndest to snag DMX before he lands himself in jail. High Society “socialite” Jules Kirby says she’s not really a racist, she was just edited to look like one. “Everything was cut and pasted to make it look like I was a stupid bitch, and I regret that they do not do a better job of saying it is a docusoap, not a reality show.” A hair-extensionless Kate Gosselin dined with four males at Nobu. And Millionaire Matchmaker Patti Stanger has taken to bashing the preggers Bethenny Frankel, tweeting, “My BFF Jill Zarin is getting the shaft on NYC Housewives bc of a dark haired loser! Why is everyone on Team Bethany? Any cow can give birth.”

I love sex. I love skin,” says Zoe Saldana. “Love it, love it, love it — can’t live without it!” Lady Gaga dispels rumors that she’s a hermaphrodite by exposing her blurred-out crotch in her and Beyoncé’s “Telephone” video, explaining, “There’s certainly always a hidden message in my music videos.” While partying at Le Montana in Paris, bisexual supermodel Rie Rasmussen snapped at fashion photographer Terry Richardson, accusing him of forcing young girls into compromising positions for the sake of his art.

While hovering outside an L.A. Starbucks waiting for Renée Zellweger to emerge, a paparazzo fed the actress’s parking meter after noticing it had expired and a traffic cop was on his way. Zellweger then thanked him with a $100 gift card, thus illustrating the great symbiotic celebrity-paparazzi relationship. A group of high-school girls spotted Jessica Biel dining solo at Lincoln Center, so they wrote her name in big letters across their notebooks, holding them up against the cafe’s windows so that all other diners could take note of her presence. Gerard Butler and Jennifer Aniston are promoting Bounty Hunter by PDAing at the film’s London premiere. Some guy in Georgia was arrested for sending Elton John death threats via YouTube. Apparently he was displeased by John’s whole “Jesus is gay” thing. At the time of his death, Corey Haim possessed Vicodin, Valium, Soma (a muscle relaxant), and the anti-psychotic drug haloperidol, though his manager claims he’d been clean and was working with a new addiction specialist. And former Bachelor contestant Rozlyn Papa did not star in a sex tape, even though everyone thought she did. Turns out the porn star in question was just a Papa look-alike from Prague.

Jessica Simpson Sometimes Cleans Her Teeth With Her Sweater