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You Can’t Keep a Bad Gossip Girl Down

As Gossip Girl: The College Years continued, our commenters were left concerned about a few very key points: chest hair, the authenticity of freshman dorm parties, and the logistics of kitchen sex. While generally pleased with Chuck’s joy at finally reconnecting with his long-lost mother, this week you seemed even more excited at the prospect of reconnecting with that other creeper of the House of Bass, Jack. Read on to see this week’s best comments, compiled by Comfortably Smug.

Realer Than Serena Sacrificing Her Friends for Her Daddy Issues
• So Chuck actually is… wait for it… a BASStard. ILUDYTHINK

• lily takes oxy for headaches. awesome. Plus 20 —chuckbassismybabydaddy

Plus 20 for Chuck’s pajamas. Because Chuck would never sleep in boxers and an old t shirt like every other 20something man in America. —chiyork

• I loved Blair’s face at the Greek lunch when Chuck was following Serena’s advice. Women, no matter how secure, HATE it when anyone, especially a slutty BFF, reaches out and advises the BF and the BF actually listens. Blair would want to be the ONLY voice Chuck hears. Plus 10. ICECASTLES

• Rufus: “When I look at you, I don’t see my little girl anymore.” (Based on his earlier retort to Lily, would he rather see Serena?) Anyway, plus 15 for the fact that Rufus says this to Jenny with equal amounts of sincerity and bewilderment about three times per season. He absolutely would think that that would guilt her into no longer dealing drugs, grooming her hair, and wearing pants. —PurpleandGreen

Plus 5 for Serena immediately assuming the issue is sexual when Blair mentions that she and Chuck haven’t been “connecting”. Of course her mind would immediately gravitate towards sex, since, really, that’s basically what all of her relationships solely revolve around. IWANTTOGOTOTHERE

• Blair: “I’m just glad I got Chuck’s couch Scotch Guarded”. Plus 30 only because obviously Dorota did it  miss_demeanor

• [Dan’s] roid arms are HUGE and sometimes cover up Vanessa’s face…actually plus 10 — newyorkiloveyou

• “I may be a b*tch, but I’m not a little b*tch.” Jenny still has a chip on her shoulder from Blair dubbing her Little J.Plus 5, because people never get over the nicknames they hated in high school. —IamBlairWaldorf_BlairWaldorfisme

• Jenny willing to ruin her relationship with her father for a dude who doesn’t really like her at all. Plus 20. Ah, to be 16 again. —MissChristyPoo

• Okay, Paul looks like a gay. But you know what? At NYU, most of the straight boys look gay. It’s like they’re trying to blend in with their surroundings. Or they just get confused. Anyway, Plus 2. —masha339

• Serena leaves her dad the kind of message that you might leave a guy who didn’t call you back after you slept with him on the first date. Plus 10 for character consistency. —chestercopperpot

Plus 2 for Blair’s production at the beginning of the episode - not like we haven’t all done that once during college.— foofoo231

• Dan looks suspiciously like Pauly D from Jersey Shore in this episode. Minus 5 for making me anticipate a spontaneous fist pump and then failing to deliver. Plus 5 if Vanessa shows up next week with a Snooky-style bump-it.  NurseLuvBass

Faker Than That Entire Party
Minus 10 for lack of eric. seriously, shouldn’t he be plotting against jenny somehow? —astorwaldorf

Minus 10 for the comment about Vanessa and Dan celebrating their first wedding anniversary while their friends are getting their first STDs. Dan was screwing Serena, he should have been checked out a long time ago. Chuck is fond of escorts, and no one seems to use any type of protection. They probably all have STDs already. —MelissaMoody

• Nate using the word ‘heathen’ appropriately. Minus 7— miserable

• Who goes “with” someone to a college party?! You go in groups of guys or girls, take shots, possibly do a keg stand, black out, then wake up the next morning in a dorm room across campus with someone you don’t recognize and a random hickey… You don’t bring dates! Minus only 10, because Dan and Vanessa are both needy, and wouldn’t risk being the kids standing alone in the corner texting. —iamreallyBLAIR

• Vanessa: “Don’t get all Dan Humphrey on me!” Dear Dan, if Vanessa fricken’ Abrams uses your name as a synonym for “judgmental,” you have a problem Minus 14, the number of letters in “pot,kettle,black”  HookedOnBass

Minus 5 for Damien hanging around for what seemed like HOURS after being caught in Jenny’s room. He would have grabbed the DVD and been gone ten seconds after Lily walked in. —elisecb

• While I’m on the subject, how is Vanessa the turbo-ho of the group? She’s not only banged the GG trifecta of Nate, Chuck, and Dan, but she’s also dated half the show’s random male guest characters, like gay Paul and the somewhat less gay half brother of Dan and Serena. Minus 10. EMMYLOSER

• I understand that we don’t have to get hung up on the fact that the older siblings are no longer attending class - they are in college, they can do what they want, etc. - but Jenny is still in high school. Are we still on a break of some sort? She’s the Queen - without scenes of her at the school we are all going to completely forget that she is more than just a Courtney Love in the making - I mean, people actually LOOK UP TO HER. Or pretend to at least. And without this reminder, we will surely forget. —ponies_and_rainbows

Minus 5: Doormen don’t just walk into your apartment to deliver a lost scarf. They come up in the service elevator or have the porter do it. GALAGIRL

• Dumb ass Nate should have instantly realized Blair’s fake sex groan was fake. Minus 20. —theyoohoogirl

Minus 10 for Rufus acting like he’s the one taking drugs. Yelling has become his only means of communicating with anyone, save the ho in the building. Meanwhile, he didn’t care about Jenny in the slightest when he was avoiding Lily and Jenny was basically living like a 20-something with no supervision or curfew. —YouandWhoseArmy

• I was shocked to see baby chuck not wearing a bow-tie in the picture in the locket. Minus 10. —andrealr123

• In addition to a boy’s oxford shirt conveniently stowed in her overnight bag, Serena also has a pair of Risky Business-esque knee socks available, just in case there was fridge-sex. Yeah right, private school girls burn those things when they graduate high school. Minus 5— brooklynbrethren

Minus 50 for making Damien the douche have feelings. We’ve been through this already. There is no room for another bad boy with a secret soul. IT IS CALLED CHUCK BASS.  stiletto33

You Can’t Keep a Bad Gossip Girl Down