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Gossip Girl Is Chuck Out of Luck

This week’s Gossip Girl had our characters wearing all black for a game of assassin. Little did we know that this wardrobe choice was actually foreshadowing the state of mourning we would be in after the breakup of our beloved Blair and Chuck. Even after such a devastating event, you were quick to point out this week’s reality faux pas, from Nate having friends at Columbia to the entire Empire Hotel plotline. There was also much discussion about the proper etiquette for wearing an engagement ring, the fact the show doesn’t seem to employ enough hairstylists (forcing at least one of the leading ladies to sport botched hair extensions), and resounding joy at the return of young Eric. Your best comments are below, compiled by legallybecks.

Realer Than Serena Thinking Toads Are Reptiles
• Elliot finds an excuse to talk about the fact that Eric lives in the penthouse pretty early on. I sense gold digging … Plus 10 for the Lily’s eventual talk with Eric about protecting their cash. It’s basically the WASP version of the “birds and bees.”  delawhere16

• The VanDerWoodsen apartment has photos of each individual family member alone. Aren’t family photos supposed to be wedding pics or something with more than 1 person in it? Plus 10 because Lily is that self involved to fill her apartment with pictures of her by herself.  annie_in_ny

Plus 10 for the writers finally acknowledging the length of a subway ride from Brooklyn, as Vanessa asks Dan to read her entire script on the way back to Manhattan.  bliz7734

Plus 10 for Eric looking like the Keebler Elf in the Assassins game. Was he hiding in the tree house?  robcamposlovepaige

• Rufus attempts to understand Eric’s social life. Plus 2 because next thing you know, Eric will be rejecting his friend requests on Facebook.  clairesque

Plus 10 for Jenny’s face when calculating the 5 hours she has to try and sleep with Nate because in teenage girl world this totally seems reasonable and not at all desperate.  hoover19

• “For instance, it would not have been a good idea for me to tell Serena how I felt about every outfit she wore” - Dan Humphrey, Plus 5 because I’m pretty sure they just make this show for us now.  lmcmlove

• Dan uses a typewriter as evidence of his proletariat Brooklyn roots? And maybe because he read the same interview I did, where Ethan ‘goatee grosser than Uncle Jack’s’ Hawke said he did the same as a show of authenticity? Plus 5. — bob5

• There was an abundance of doormen in this episode. It’s clear whose side the writers are on in this doorman strike. Plus 20 for being so of the times.  kdow3

• Blair: “I never thought the worst thing you’d ever do would be to me.” Plus 100. Because dating bad boys will bite you in the ass every time…  cnphair

OF COURSE A DORK LIKE RUFUS WOULD USE HORRIBLE BING. Of course he would. And think he had found “this new awesome thing that searches all of the Interwebs for you!”. And brag about it like he just discovered Uranium. Of course he would. Plus 5  rebeccarose2004

• Of course Jenny wasn’t worried about Nate or anyone else killing her–not many people in NYC carry around silver bullets. Plus 5  hookedonbass

Faker Than Jack Being a Dude Who Doesn’t Kiss and Tell
Minus 1000 for “all Nate’s Columbia friends”. If that were true, the only person there would be whatever geek Nate pays to do his homework, take his exams, and sit in on his classes.  thenextmrsbass

• Why is Dorota wearing her engagement ring on her right hand? Didn’t Beyonce teach her anything?  twinsfindme

• Grandfather does NOT get blown off for someone with extensions as ratty as Jenny’s. Minus 3.— purpleandgreen

• Ugh why does everyone stay in those stupid hats even after the Assasin game is over? Normal high school/college, the second a silly costume is not absolutely required, it is thrown in a garbage and you start praying that the pictures don’t end up in your yearbook. Minus 10  cellardoor

• And furthermore, minus 5 for the influx of wannabe-GG high schoolers who will now be playing this game and disturbing the peace.  txm07

• Why doesn’t it matter that jack having sex with Blair is barely a year out of being completely illegal? Minus only one because its not like anyone even acknowledges anymore that they’re FRESHMAN IN COLLEGE.  penguinfan07

• Serena leads Nate upstairs with handcuffs… but they are still at the Waldorf’s. Is everyone just sleeping at everyone’s homes? Has the upper east side turned into a brothel? Minus 5  nagaem

• Blair’s delivery of the line “All I ever did was love you” was completely tragic; now Blair is just an average, overly-emotional college freshman girl. Minus 10 because Blair would find the inner strength to say something less cliche even in the darkest moment.  sandals_are_not_shoes

• Jack Bass’s handwriting is comic sans font? Minus 5  isgoodatmath

• Jack used to be hot in a dirty, Bass way but with the facial hair he looks like an even douchier Brad Pitt and it’s hard to take anything he says seriously. Minus 5  spelumbia

Minus 100 for Vanessa telling Dan to “write what he knows” as a criticism of his hobo-wins-lottery play. He’s from Brooklyn. No one does poverty like Brooklyn. This is also clearly a play about Rufus.  pradamarfa

• Blair’s lingerie was cute, but she would never wear black ruffly boy-shorts under a silk dress. That’s a very basic fashion faux pas, she would bitchslap a minion for even thinking of it. Minus 5 because even in times of emotional despair, Queen B’s fashion sense never falters.  nurseluvbass

• Is there a quota on supporting characters and Van der Woodsens? Dorota is back, Eric finally shows up, and now Lily has been missing without a word about it? It’s September all over again! Minus 5.— emmyloser

Gossip Girl Is Chuck Out of Luck