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Gossip Girl Has Become the Person You Always Thought She Was

This week’s Gossip Girl brought all our characters together with a wedding (finally, a plausible excuse for them all to be at the same event), but the episode’s events forced our players, and you, commenters, apart in heart. There was much debate over Blair and Chuck’s demise, Lily’s terrible lying skills, and cultural stereotypes. However, you did all agree on your love for Cyrus Rose. Give that man more episodes, writers! Anyway, on to your best comments, compiled this week by longwayfrombrooklyn.

Realer Than Vodka by the Bucket at a Traditional UES Wedding
• Eleanor “I was going to get them a Vera Wang cake knife” Plus 3 for excruciating thoughtlessness.  iheartintel

• Chuck standing next to amazon model type reminds us all just how short he is. short and hairy. like a hobbit. but still hot. Plus 5  chuckbassismybabydaddy

• Also Plus 5 for Eleanor still treating Dan like a cater waiter. Eleanor is the best.  twinsfindme

Plus 100 for Cyrus’s return. Plus an additional 100 for any one episode focusing largely on Cyrus, Dorota and Eric. Plus an additional 100 for that very episode featuring no Vanessa, and plus yet another 100 for Chuck’s line about Nate and Serena debating whose hair is shinier. They really do write this for us now.  purpleandgreen

• How is it that Cyrus Rose has the best hair on this show? WTF, is the CW too poor to employ hairstylists?!  legallybecks

• At least 5 references to Blair’s bulimia in this episode: Zofran, actual use of the word vomit, Blair coming out from her bathroom, staring at the buffet, being late to the pre-wedding ceremony, what else? Plus 5 because at least we didn’t blink and miss it. Now bring it back as a full-blown storyline sometime in season 4, ok?  signaturescarf

• chuck’s crying scene in the dream is completely over the top and fake. Such an accurate representation of those old timey movies back when people thought the signature of a good actor was being as insanely dramatic as possible. plus 50.  pepsimax

• Of course what really matters to Chuck is whether Jack and Blair actually had sex; the fact he just used the supposed love of his life to get his hotel back, all the while trying to make it sound as though she wanted to have sex with the guy who almost raped his stepmother is completely irrelevant to him at this point. Plus 20, because he is a hormonal young boy, after all. On the other hand, minus 50 because I thought Chuck was better than that. —awakebeauty

• Jenny wears a dress stolen straight out of Serena’s closet at the reception while she is trying to steal her man. Plus 2. — rip_chair

• And is it just me or did they style Dorota’s hair like Blair’s just so when they had their “heart to heart” moment, they could look like sisters. Albeit one WASP sister to one Polish sister but whatever plus 5  spelumbia

• While Palm Beach is a believable place for William van der Woodsen to visit, it also contains one of the largest populations of gossipy old-money women in the world. There’s no way someone wouldn’t have spotted him or Lilly at Cafe Boulud or the Breakers, and everyone in the Upper East Side over 60 would know where they were. Plus 5, because bad boy Carter’s informant is probably his Grandmother.  omgsammiches

• Rufus really spent an entire episode brooding in his apartment like a scorned housewife, trying to play private investigator with nothing but a land line phone, all four of Lilly’s last names and a waffle iron at his disposal? And in that awful sweater…did he learn nothing from Bart Bass, his PIs and swanky leather dossiers? Sigh. Plus 10 for the realism.  vanderlicious

• Dan and Blair share a moment, and then, after an awkward pause, Blair says “your ice is melting”. Plus 3 because being Blair’s acquaintance is a lot like being on thin ice; its alright for a moment but linger too long and you’ll drown.  chloehannah

• Chuck apparently wears topsiders and a hip flask to bed. Plus 10, because, well, clearly.  cellardoor

Faker than Blair and Dan. Just, No.
Minus 1,000,000 for Blair suggesting that being with Chuck is what makes her hate herself. This coming from the girl who has been a bulimic for years, desperately tries to control everyone around her, has to beg for her parent’s attention, and is constantly competing with her best friend. I’m sorry Blair, but you’ve hated yourself for a lot longer than you’ve been with Chuck. And if you don’t love yourself… at least HE does. :-(sorry, I’m just a little bitter about the current storyline… Josh Schwartz is seriously trying to break my black, little heart with all this angst.  nurseluvbass

• Serena to Chuck: “Buy her those Louboutins at Saks to let her know you’re sorry.” No, Serena. You go to the Louboutin boutique on Madison between 75 and 76. It’s like … a block away from you AND sans smelly tourists pawing over shoes they can’t possibly afford. Minus 5.  vandymike04

• Dorota is all “It is most important tradition for happy couple to walk down aisle me and Vanya, or else marriage is jinx forever.” And then just because Blair and Chuck can’t do it, the tradition is abandoned? I don’t think so. What about the happiest couple to ever grace Gossip Girl: Cyrus and Eleanor?! Minus 10. — uesallstar

Minus 15 for Blair causing a scene and interrupting Dorota’s wedding. Not even the Queen B in her pre-emasculated glory days would pull such an utterly gauche and heartless move. It’s not like Serena’s getting married.  rebeccarose2004

• Elliot’s not bi. Has his girlfriend ever seen him dance? Jesus.  blairismygracekelly

Minus 5 for Lily getting busted for not being at Canyon Ranch. For one thing, she’d have realized the flaws in the plan and counteracted them (she’s practically a professional at lying). Also, I imagine it wouldn’t have taken Rufus three episodes (a week and a half?) to see through it.  emmyloser

• Nate is the first person Blair confesses the truth about her break-up with Chuck to? Doubtful! What girl wants to discuss the problems in her new relationship with her ex-boyfriend? Minus 10. — kindalikenateandlittlej

*Minus 10* - Blair asking for drugs to keep herself from vomiting. Please, any quasi-recovering bulemic looooves a good excuse to puke.  legallybored

Minus 5 for chuck’s story line. It’s like they decided to hire the screenwriter for Invasion of the Body Snatchers. I can understand that the powers that be (PTB) decided to go in a different direction and show Chuck can be vulnerable and has a heart, but that’s not why anyone likes Chuck Bass; making him pathetic and naïve makes no sense. It would be like Serena cutting her hair, stopped wearing heals, started wearing dresses below the knee, and never showed cleavage.  zola1439

• I don’t care if it’s a dream sequence, Chuck would never imagine Blair in an outfit she’s already worn. It’s sacrilegious. Minus 3  enliven

Minus 10 because nate seemed to understand not only the howard hughes reference but blair’s way of saying “i whored myself out” without really saying it. archibald isn’t that smart.  astorwaldorf

• Its seems odd that Vanessa is MIA this episode. A Polish-Russian wedding honoring the hired help seems more up her alley than any of the other wasp-y events she was forced to attend as Dan’s date. Minus 5. — melodyr

• Because I really wanted to see Chuck and Nate’s fight end in a kiss. Minus 5 because it didn’t.  suenue

• There’s no way Lily would be secluded in a hotel room with her ex husband for weeks on end and answer the door, in the middle of the night wearing a white granny sweater and school marm bun. Minus 20 because it would be a silk teddy with questionable stains or their dirty sex sheet.  kdow3

Minus only 1 for ridiculous cultural stereotypes at “eastern european wedding”,because it was funny. At least for me (I’m belorussian). Trashy pop-song and vodka did not seem fake, thou.  tihii_omut

Minus 6 for Georgina not crashing the wedding. a) Like Blair, she has a weakness for weddings. Or more specifically in Georgie’s case, wreaking havoc on wedding days. b) She still needs to get revenge on “Prince Alexei” (Vanya) for whisking her away from the UES. c) In the most recent several episodes, there has been an ongoing theme of role playing. In Gossip Girl world, Georgie practically INVENTED role playing!  blair215

Minus 500 for no new episode next week. I was under the impression, Josh Schwartz, that we were to run uninterrupted until the finale. — merriweather

Gossip Girl Has Become the Person You Always Thought She Was