white men who are accustomed to winning at life

Jamie Dimon Will Speak to Syracuse Students Whether They Like It or Not

The ungrateful, unappreciative, asexual Syracuse students who for some reason have chosen to focus their limited post-adolescent attention spans on protesting the university’s choice of JPMorgan CEO Jamie Dimon as this year’s commencement speaker have upped the ante. Last week, they were speaking out against the man by dancing and Facebooking. Now they’ve got an online petition up and are talking to Bloomberg. “Right now, we shouldn’t be celebrating someone who represents the banking industry coming to our campus,” Amelia Pernell, a senior who is majoring in communications, tells the news service.

The university offered this meek defense:

Syracuse students protested commencement speeches by former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani in 2002, and former President Bill Clinton the following year, said Kevin Quinn, the university’s senior vice president for public affairs. The university won’t rescind Dimon’s invitation, he said.

For his part, Dimon is remaining uncharacteristically silent on this matter. We suspect this is for one of three reasons.

1. He is currently standing in his office, yelling, “I’ll go down there and show those Marxists what is up,” but JPMorgan spokeswoman Jennifer Zuccarelli and colorful flack Joseph Evangelisti, both of whom declined to comment to Daily Intel, are physically holding him back.
2. Somebody put masking tape over the corner of his Bloomberg terminal so that he wouldn’t see this story and get his feelings hurt. Or, most likely,
3. He’s too busy furiously writing op-eds and thinking up a real zinger for the next time he sees the president and thus can’t be bothered with these fool college kids.

Dimon’s Syracuse Commencement Speech Fought in Student Petition [Bloomberg]
Online Petition [Take Back 2010]

Jamie Dimon Will Speak to Syracuse Students Whether They Like It or Not