white men who are accustomed to winning at life

Jamie Dimon Doesn’t Need Anything From Anybody Ever

The JPMorgan CEO didn’t need the stinking TARP money, and he doesn’t buy the argument that everyone benefited from it, because otherwise there would have been a domino effect and the entire system would have collapsed, because in addition to being brilliant and gorgeous during the time he spent on that mountaintop, Jamie Dimon gained the ability to see what alternate realities look like, and he can see that that wouldn’t have actually happened, he can see that he would have still been standing tall amid the ruins, like the Colosseum or some shit. Furthermore, he did not need the FDIC to back the $40 billion in unsecured debt the bank issued in 2008 and 2009. Even if it did help them save a little money, it was ultimately not worth the bother.

We didn’t need it,” Dimon, 54, said in his annual letter to shareholders, which was released yesterday. “And it just added to the argument that all banks had been bailed out and fueled the anger directed toward banks.”

And what he really doesn’t need, and he’s talking to you, populace, government, is any more of your crap.

We should acknowledge that the worst offenders among financial companies no longer are in existence,” Dimon said. “And while it is true that some of the surviving banks would not, or might not, have survived, not all banks would have failed.”

Get it through your heads! Jeez, what does a guy have to do to prove he’s too awesome to fail around here?

JPMorgan’s Dimon Regrets Using FDIC Guarantee Program [Bloomberg]
Earlier: Jamie Dimon’s Hissy Fit

Jamie Dimon Doesn’t Need Anything From Anybody Ever