the greatest show of our time

Nothing Quickens Your Blood Quite Like Gossip Girl

This week’s Gossip Girl taught us much about pain, suffering, and role play. Despite falling strongly on the real side of our Reality Index, many things about this episode of the Greatest Show of Our Time bothered you, dear commenters. For one thing, you realized that Nate used Google Latitude, and not Foursquare, to find Jenny. Good to know there are multiple stalking apps out there. You were also deeply offended that Vanessa would dare try to emulate Grace Kelly, mourned Eric’s continued absence, and found much fault with Eleanor’s fashion line and show. Though of course, you, like us, rejoiced in the return of Dorota. Your best comments are below, compiled this week by RebeccaRose2004.

Realer Than Blair Lying About Having No Friends
• Jack and Agnes should get together. Although, I don’t know how much date rape would be accomplished when they’re both constantly slipping each other pills, and I have a feeling the whole date rape aspect of a relationship is kind of essential for both parties. But plus 20 for the prospect, along with the possibility of Georgina being brought in for a threesome. Hopefully this one would be less vomit inducing then the last GG threeway. KDOW3

Plus 5 For Blair becoming settling soul mates with Columbia. STARBABY

• What happened at Eleanor’s fashion show just proves what Kelly Cutrone said, that everyone in the front row is a hooker. Plus 5 —Bejeweled

• Agnes kept calling Jenny things like “sweetie” and “babe.” Plus 3 because that’s totally what older, condescending bitches from high school do when they are pretending to be nice. —AndIWasLike

• Rufus doesn’t find it weird that he walks into his loft and his son and girlfriend are there, she’s obviously in costume and he sits there eating flan like that not weird, what’s weird is the lobster, Plus 20. —bayonne

• “I’m Dorota” kind of holds the same power as “I’m Chuck Bass”, no? Plus 20 —lpisaniello

Plus 15 for ancient reunions, as Eleanor’s Margaret Colin gets to tell her “As the World Turns” brother Conwell’s Scott Bryce to go back to SLC. —classof2009

• “Leave the scheming for the pros” Plus 10 because even Jack knows that Serena and Nate are a few eggs short of a dozen. SPS38

• Jenny says she doesn’t want to mess up her second chance, then brings a bag full of pills to the fashion show. You know how I avoid getting into pharmaceutical trouble, little J? I don’t walk around with purses full of drugs. It’s really that easy. But then, to be fair, maybe her eyeliner was obscuring her foresight. Plus 5 CADET25

Plus 5, because between Georgie’s CampChristian and Agnes’s AA, Gossip Girl’s motto seems to be “Never trust a crazy b*tch, if she can’t drink.” HOOKEDONBASS

• Of course E-fish is flying off to Zurich. With her muddled accented she would only feel comfortable in a country with four official languages. Plus 10 —jennyisnotserena

• “I have minions of course, but they’re hardly worthy of the name.” Plus 10 for a great Queen B line BWALDORF

Plus 10 for Columbia girls thinking they’re actually native New Yorkers. —vfw22

Faker Than All These People Who Have Slept Together Not Being Awkward About the Incest
• At Eleanor’s atelier/apartment, all the models were talking and discussing materials and whatever. No. Models don’t talk, they smoke and sniff food. Minus 3 CBGIRL

• So Dan’s favorite movie features Grace Kelly? Are you trying to tell me his ideal girl is the same one Blair has been trying to emulate since her eighteenth birthday? No points for the Dair foreshadowing but minus 50 for Vanessa trying to be like Blair, yet again. SIGNATURESCARF

• Vanessa as Grace Kelly was blasphemy. PRINCESS GRACE WOULD NEVER WEAR TURQUOISE-COLORED PLASTIC FROM FOREVER 21. Minus 10. —delawhere16


• Blair can’t find 30 girls in a dorm to go to a fashion show? Couldn’t she just have Dorota stick invitations under their doors? She thinks of hiring prostitutes before this? Serena points out, accurately, that this was a stupid idea? No. Minus 20. PURPLEANDGREEN

• Serena, Nate and Rufus all come out of nowhere to greet Vanessa and Dan. Minus 20, because no one does this, not even my cats when they’re hungry. —haunt_fox

• When would Blair tack anything on her “dorm” room walls herself? Her Columbia banner would have been plated in gold AND custom framed before Dorota hired someone to hang it up. Minus 5. —gatoradegal224

• “I missed you, b*tch!” is code for “I hate you, bitch, and I am going to screw you any way possible!” Even Little J should have seen this coming, in spite of all the eyeliner. Minus 15 —cellardoor

• “Where Bristol Palin shops?” Minus 5, everyone knows that Bristol hasn’t been shopping at discount retailers since the RNC. CCSEB

• Agnes sets up the drug exchange with Damien by telling him to meet at the “Waldorf Pop Up Show.” What teen boy knows what ANY of those words mean, much less how to get there?! Minus 10. —candybeans

• Chuck is smarter than this. Dammit. Chuck is effing smarter than this. That’s all I’ve been saying since last week. CHUCK FRICKIN BASS IS SMARTER THAN THIS FRICKING Days of our Lives bullshit Hotel plot. Minus 100 —cbassluv

Nothing Quickens Your Blood Quite Like Gossip Girl