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Everything Catches Up to Gossip Girl in the End

The curtains are drawn on the third season of Gossip Girl, and suffice it to say that these weren’t tasteful window treatments. Queen B’s return to total domination was a breath of fresh Blair, but you were woeful over Georgina’s claim that there’s something in her whacked-out womb … and it’s a Humphrey. Some cringed at the thought of old friends, no, exes, no, step-siblings reuniting, while others are sure Serena’s meant to be with not-so–Lonely Boy. Little J gave up on love and traded it in for a few minutes of our favorite defiler’s attention. For some loyal commenters, it was enough to threaten to turn their backs on these fictional Upper East Siders for good. But we know they’ll be back to see whether “I’m Chuck Bass” will ever be uttered again. Good-bye for now, Gossip Girl, and may God save your soul.

And now, on to your best comments, compiled by blairismygracekelly.

Realer Than Paris Being Blair and Serena’s Place to Get Over Heartbreak
• I have finally realized why Serena always dresses like she’s going to the club. It’s so that no one knows when or if she’s doing a walk (cab ride home) of shame. Plus 2 for this but minus 2 for me not recognizing her skanky intelligence early, so, even.  SpelUmbia

• Eric’s “send her crazy ass away” was the smartest thing anyone has said in a long time on this show. So wee, so wise. Plus 10  CellarDoor

• After the Billy Baldwin scare, Rufus cleaned up his beard and hair to keep working professionals away from his wife. Plus 20 points  isgoodatmath

• At first, I was going to deduct points for the tacky product placement with Nate using a new high tech phone thing to send the Gossip Girl pic to Vanessa. Then I realized that Nate totally would spend hours playing with his phone because he’s got nothing else to do, since he doesn’t go to class and has no hobbies. Plus 5. — memy

• Of course Rufus would overlook the fact that his son and step-daughter were sharing a bed and only be concerned that Serena was wearing his precious Lincoln Hawk tee. Plus 5  neverhaveneverwill

• During Dan and Serena’s relationship talk, Dan says that it’s hard to date someone that you know so well and that “ignorance is bliss.” Plus 10 for Dan so succinctly describing the experience of dating Serena.  63words

• Teenage girls tend to make regretful decisions when depressed while drinking scotch, and sex-crazed billionaires with abandonment issues will seek warm comfort when thinking they’ve been dumped. The fact that Chuck and Little J were respectively his ex’s arch enemy and her arch enemy’s ex was just the cherry on top, the very same one that got popped. Plus 20 for that and minus 100 for me enjoying it.  stiletto33

Plus 3 for Dan saying it starts and ends with Chuck. Jenny’s first experience in the Gossip Girl world is when Chuck tries to rape her at the party and her retreat from the world is after she sleeps with Chuck.  cowt

• Am I the only one who thinks that Blair definitely would NOT have texted Chuck?? She expected him to wait, and wouldn’t want to ruin the surprise and dramatic effect. I mean, what else do you expect from a girl who models her life off of a Hepburn movie? Plus 10 for character consistency.  delawhere16

• I like how the millions of random prostitutes, coat check girls, and burlesque dancers who most likely are riddled with STDs aren’t enough to make Blair not go back to Chuck, but him sleeping with one undead virgin Jenny Humphrey is the deal breaker. Plus 30 because she’s from Brooklyn and has terrible hair extensions.  kdow3

• Georgina is carrying low. Must be a pretentious douche. Congrats, Dan. Plus 2  merriweather

• While Jenny was struggling to get down the stairs with her luggage, her father, brother, and “best friend” watch without helping. Plus 10. They’re secretly happy she’s gone. As am I.  QtipKiwis

Plus 20 for Serena being able to pack up for Paris in approximately three minutes. All her clothes are only about a yard of fabric, so I’m assuming she could get about half her wardrobe in one suitcase. — feed_the_ducks

• Even before being shot, Chuck throws off an “I’m Chuck Bass.” In the face of death. Plus 2  MagnoliaCake22

Faker Than Anyone Sleeping in a Dress Shirt by Choice
Minus 20 for Eleanor: one minute bitching that it’s unacceptable that her 9 months hugely pregnant maid can’t reach the table with the tea tray, sighing with exasperation that they’ll help, “but just this once” (because there’s a caste system to maintain here, damn it!), and then the next minute accepting Dorota & Vanya’s godparent offer as if she has a heart, and wouldn’t actually be appalled at having to raise the spawn of the servant class.  birkin_bag

• Cameron follows Blair all round New York then allows her to ditch him so she can go play Affair to Remember. Pinocchio has more balls than this guy and he’s not even a real boy! Minus 50  mystical

Minus 10 for Dorota having no doctor in the room while she delivers her baby, just a bunch of rich people screaming “PUSH! PUSH!” and thinking they’ve got it all under control.  OrangePekoe

• Didn’t Eleanor give birth to Blair?? Why did she act like Dorota’s was the first baby she had ever held? Only minus 5 for forgetting about your own motherhood experience since she probably had a C-section + tummy tuck and stayed in bed for six weeks while Dorota raised Blair.  Suz1029

• Besides the ridiculousness of absolutely everyone showing up for the birth - Dorota is still just a maid- why were they all still hanging around the hospital afterward, like they were going to make it an all night vigil? Minus 20  Arundel

• Dan tells Serena that baby’s metaphorical daddy issues will make it “harder for her to trust people.” FALSE. The daddy issues will, inevitably, make her cling onto every man who looks at her as intensely as her skirts cling to her ass. But since Humphrey is romanticizing Serena’s problems because he has feelings, I’ll only give it minus 2. — delawhere16

Minus 10 for Blair loving the Empire State building. What, does she enjoy watching the ball drop too?  MissChristyPoo

• Cary Grant waited until midnight in a thunderstorm, Chuck; you couldn’t have waited until 7:30? Jeez. Minus 10 points for not knowing that if you’re going to Affair to Remember Blair, you’ve got to take it all the way.  sarahnargle

Minus 30 for Serena completely escaping any blame in the near break up of Lily & Rufus’s marriage. She was just as willing, if not more so, to throw their marriage under the bus if it meant reuniting with Daddy. Jenny’s still in high school, what’s Miss “I’m taking a year off“‘s excuse?  toooldforthis

• Um, didn’t the family Humphrey emigrate from Hudson or Peeksill or a similar artist enclave on the Hudson? If so, the Jenny farewell scene should have taken place near the homeless guys shaving in the men’s room at Penn Station, not on the Michael Jordan Steak House balcony at GCT. Metro North doesn’t serve the Albany line, and Amtrak’s out of Penn. Minus 15. — classof2009

• Nate gets Chuck’s black book to call up Russian hookers? No. Nate is a boytoy, not a playboy. If anything he would have found a way into the arms of Lily and Rufus’s neighbor Holland. Minus 10  chestercopperpot

• Am I supposed to believe that Chuck is bringing the tarnished engagement ring along in his debauchery world tour? No. No, Stephanie Savage. We all know by now that when Chuck is heartbroken he will do whatever it takes avoid pain, so why on earth would he carry that damn ring? He would not. He would’ve returned that thing right after leaving the hospital or he would’ve left it home in a safe. Minus 10  lpycb42

• Blair and Serena are going on a chick trip to Paris. I thought the next scene would be Nate and Dan planning their bromance camping trip with all the flannel plaid they’ve been wearing. Minus 10 for this not happening.  Annie_in_NY

Don’t worry, we still want you guys to compile the recap recap next season! We’ll be in touch in the fall. XOXO.

Everything Catches Up to Gossip Girl in the End