21 questions

Gavin McInnes Is Getting Vain in His Old Age

Name: Gavin McInnes
Age: 39
Occupation: Writer, author of the photographic compendium Street Boners: 1,764 Hipster Fashion Jokes. He’ll be appearing tomorrow along with the Growlers at the Upstairs at the Square series, 7 p.m. at Barnes & Noble Union Square.

Who’s your favorite New Yorker, living or dead, real or fictional? Bill the Butcher (he’s both real and fictional).

What’s the best meal you’ve eaten in New York?
Can’t decide between the perfectly authentic Montreal poutine at Mile End or the Montreal bagels they fly in every day.

In one sentence, what do you actually do all day in your job?
I write pant jokes, go to meetings, and make funny videos.

Would you live here on a $35,000 salary?
Nigga, I am a grown-ass man with a wife and two kids. Are you out of yo goddamned mind?

What’s the last thing you saw on Broadway?
A homeless lady taking a shit between two cars and yelling, “I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” after we noticed her.

Do you give money to panhandlers?
I usually just pretend I don’t have any change and then give an insincere apology.

What’s your drink?
Maker’s rocks, Budweiser, Guinness.

How often do you prepare your own meals?
Only when I have to, because my wife is an excellent cook. Same goes with beating off.

What’s your favorite medication?

What’s hanging above your sofa?
“Home Sweet Home” written in neon. We had it made at Lite Brite.

How much is too much to spend on a haircut?
I used to think $5 at barber schools like the one on 10th Street was the max, but I’m getting vain in my old age and will now spend $20 at Tomcats perfecting my forties-mugshot look.

When’s bedtime?
Whenever my wife appears to be even remotely up for it.

Which do you prefer, the old Times Square or the new Times Square?
Well, I’m not a Midwestern mom in capri cargos and Crocs, so … guess.

What do you think of Donald Trump?
He built an empire out of nothing and he’s a ridiculous-looking asshole who terrorizes Rosie O’Donnell. I feel a bond with him that makes Elliott and E.T. look like Paris and Nicole.

What do you hate most about living in New York?
Dog shit.

Who is your mortal enemy?
David Cross.

When’s the last time you drove a car?
This morning.

How has the Wall Street crash affected you?
I suffered brutal losses and made 100 percent of it back. Know how? I refused to look at my statements for almost three years. I took them straight from the mailbox to the shredder. That’s the only way to do it. I can’t believe there’s an app for the other way.

Times, Post, or Daily News?
When I read “portly pepper pot Monica Lewinsky” in the Post, I canceled my subscription to the Times and haven’t looked back since. What’s “Daily News”?

Where do you go to be alone?
The bathroom — to have explosive diarrhea, which, ironically, is when I need a friend the most.

What makes someone a New Yorker?
Ed Koch said ten years and I’m inclined to agree, but if you were here for 9/11, you’re a New Yorker.

Gavin McInnes Is Getting Vain in His Old Age