weird al greene

Alvin Greene Wants to Stimulate the Economy With Alvin Greene Action Figures

For a long time, South Carolina Senate candidate Alvin Greene’s platform has consisted simply of “jobs, justice, and education,” without going much deeper than that. Now Greene is at least fleshing out the “jobs” part. And — as much as we feel for Greene, because he’s been through a lot and seems like a very nice person with the best of intentions, etc. — it’s kind of scary.

Another thing we can do for jobs is make toys of me, especially for the holidays. Little dolls. Me. Like maybe little action dolls. Me in an army uniform, air force uniform, and me in my suit. They can make toys of me and my vehicle, especially for the holidays and Christmas for the kids. That’s something that would create jobs. So you see I think out of the box like that. It’s not something a typical person would bring up.”

Heh … this is a joke of some sort, yes?

That’s something that could happen, that makes sense. It’s not a joke.”

Oh. Well, that is thinking outside the box. Way outside. You can’t even see the box. The box might be in another plane of existence. Still, who knows? Maybe, someday, little children across America will be playing with toy Alvin Greene soldiers under their covers at night, making inaccurate gunfire noises as they pretend to attack senator Jim DeMint and get themselves involuntarily but honorably discharged from the Army. Hell, we’d buy one, and we stopped playing with action figures months ago.

Alvin Greene: America’s most unlikely politician [Guardian UK]

Alvin Greene Wants to Stimulate the Economy With Alvin Greene Action Figures