the most important wedding in the world

Good Luck Getting to Rhinebeck This Weekend If You’re a Normal Person

If you were thinking of heading up to Rhinebeck this weekend — not to try to crash the Most Important Wedding in the World, of course, but merely to take a gander at the heifers in the town’s annual cow-judging contest or bend yourself into strange positions at the Omega Institute, good luck getting up there. Chelsea Clinton and Mark Mezvinsky have reportedly only invited 400 guests to their wedding, but the town is locked down like they’re expecting something akin to the Siege of Leningrad.

You can’t drive to the area, as roads around the wedding will be closed down. You can’t fly, as airspace above the wedding has been closed by the FAA. And apparently, you can’t even take the humble bus: The local ShortLine bus company has suspended service to the area this Saturday, according to their website.

ShortLine will not be servicing its Rhinebeck, NY pick-up/drop-off location on Sat, July 31 due to the Clinton wedding. Buses will be operating as far as Hyde Park.

After that, you’re on your own, sucker. Whether this is out of respect for the wedding party or because they can’t be bothered with traffic is unclear, as ShortLine has not returned a call for comment. At the moment, there are a still few seats available on Amtrak trains, but be warned: You might be forced to share space with an agitated Ron Burkle.

Good Luck Getting to Rhinebeck This Weekend If You’re a Normal Person