Once a week, Daily Intel takes a peek behind doors left slightly ajar. This week, the Lesbian Writer Dealing With a Commuting Girlfriend: Female, freelance writer, 40, Greenpoint, lesbian, in a relationship..
7 a.m.: I wake up before Anne. Make coffee and try to work but I’m too distracted. She’s been commuting to Philadelphia and they just offered her a full-time gig. The commute sucks, but I’d almost rather break up than move. We’re at an impasse. I want to wake her up for sex but don’t because we’ve been fighting so much lately I think she’ll say no.
10:20 a.m.: She’s still sleeping, so I crawl in next to her and try to nudge her awake. She senses something and asks me what’s wrong. I say, “I feel a little lonely.” She ignores me. I think about pushing her ass onto the floor.
11 a.m.: I finally come to terms with the fact that she’s sleeping in because she’s still pissed off at me and trying to avoid me. I start fantasizing about a mutual friend of ours, thinking about how I’ll seduce her if Anne and I break up.
11:45 a.m.: Anne gets out of bed, we fight briefly before deciding to take an impromptu trip to Philadelphia to look at apartments. We book a hotel downtown so I pack tons of sex toys thinking we’ll have hot hotel sex.
8:40 p.m.: Driving around Philadelphia depresses us. We take refuge in the hotel bar, eat something fried and split a bottle of wine. We make our way back upstairs kind of tipsy and tired. I find a nature show on the Discovery Channel. I’m no longer in the mood for sex.
11 p.m.: She clearly wants it so we start fooling around. In a total role reversal, I turn her over and spank her. At first I think we’re playing around, but to my surprise she gets hot for it so I step up my game a bit and start playing with her ass. Things get progressively hotter until I’m actually doing her in the ass while she’s on all fours. She comes so hard I nearly come with her.
9 a.m.: I order a pot of coffee from room service while Anne showers. The room-service guy shows up while I’m still naked, so I wrap myself in the bedsheet. He takes forever to set the coffee down and hand me the check to sign. I feel stupid standing there obviously naked and wrapped in a sheet.
3:20 p.m.: We spend the day apartment hunting, which gets increasingly awful. We get on the highway and head back to Brooklyn. We try to console each other by talking about sex. I tell her that I want to have anal sex when we get home. We talk dirty to distract each other from the New Jersey Turnpike.
7 p.m.: Finally back in our own bed. We’re kissing and fooling around and I’m really into teasing her. Then she says she can’t wait any longer and pushes my panties out of the way and jams her fingers in me. I’m not wet enough yet so it feels a little rough, but soon I’m getting off on how hot it is to be getting done so roughly. I like how nasty she can be sometimes. She comes right away; I take a little longer.
7:30 p.m.: Anne straps her dick on and shoves it in my face. It’s seriously strenuous to blow ten inches of hard silicone. She likes it when I gag and choke on it. I’m way into it, but I also think about how much easier it was to give BJs when I was straight and all the dicks were smaller and bendier.
7:35 p.m. My jaw hurts. We switch to fucking. The sex is really hot and frenzied. I’m so into it by this point that I come almost immediately. I talk dirty to her to hurry things along. When I tell her I want her to fill me up, she finally comes, yelling loudly.
6 a.m.: The alarm goes off. Anne rolls over and fondles my breasts until I get up to make coffee.
7 a.m.: I drive Anne to the subway, which she’ll take to Penn Station and then get a bus to Philly. We make out for a while until I notice the coffee-cart guy leering at us and I feel gross. She gets on the train, I drive the five minutes back to the house, and then spend the next twenty minutes looking for parking.
7:30 a.m.: I take fifteen milligrams of Adderall so I can get some work done. I’m writing a book about women’s orgasms. I get turned on after reading the results of a Pfizer study on women and Viagra. The researchers concluded that women were as easily aroused as men but they often talk themselves out of it.
9 a.m.: I think about a video I watched on Xtube where a guy was getting fucked by a dildo attached to a machine. I wish I had a fucking machine. I wonder if Anne and I get married if we can register for one.
9:15 a.m.: I masturbate with my Hitachi Magic Wand. I always wonder if the guy next door or the dykes downstairs can hear me.
9 p.m.: I drive to Queens to pick Anne up from the subway. She’s really cranky. She switches off the stereo and says, “I just need it to be quiet.”
10 p.m.: We get in bed naked to eat popcorn and catch up on missed episodes of CSI. This seems to cheer her up.
8 a.m.: I bring Anne coffee in bed. She wakes up smiling and pulls me back into bed with her for cuddling. We’re both relieved she doesn’t have to commute today. We’ve both loosened up since the fight.
4 p.m.: I realize I get more done when Anne is in Philly because I have the house to myself. I make more coffee and finish the book I’m reading. Anne goes to the café down the street to grade papers.
6:45 p.m.: Anne comes home, I make us dinner. We talk about whether we want to have sex, go out, or watch TV. We both opt for TV.
9 p.m.: We’re bored of TV. We start making out. Anne goes down on me. She’s good at it but I want to have sex. She puts two fingers in me and I say, “More.” I keep saying it until she gets her entire fist in me. I finish so hard it feels like my body is turned inside out. I can barely move or speak. Finally I ask her if I can make her come and she says, “I already came while I was going down on you.”
6 a.m.: Alarm goes off.
7 a.m.: Drop Anne off at subway. We don’t make out due to presence of gross coffee-cart guy.
2 p.m.: I get e-mail from cute butch friend who I’ve been flirting with. I wonder what it would be like to have sex with her. My friend Rochelle Gchats me. I send her a link to Facebook page of cute butch friend. She agrees she’s hot. Then she tells me about the new girl she’s seeing. Says girl loves being fisted. I think about Anne fisting me last night and get turned on. I tell Rochelle I have to go then quickly get an orgasm from my vibrator.
7:30 a.m.: I wake Anne up with coffee so we can finish packing. We’re joining some friends at a cabin in the Catskills to celebrate a birthday. I fuss around trying to decide if I have time to paint my nails.
9 a.m.: I still haven’t painted my nails. While giving a begonia a shower, a huge green caterpillar pops out. I scream, and Anne comes to save me. She kills it in the tub. The whole scene turns me on. Not the caterpillar, but that my sexy butch girlfriend came to my rescue.
12:20 p.m.: We get to the Catskills before our friends but can’t find the exact cabin. Anne pulls over to text and a Respectable White Man walks over wearing a Saints cap. He’s about my age. Anne rolls down the window, and I talk to him in my most girlie voice and he gives us detailed directions. I notice him staring at Anne out of the corner of his eye. Anne stares straight ahead and gives me holy hell once we drive away. She jokes, “Well, normally when I hear that voice it means I get to put my dick in you.” I like when she gets jealous.
3 p.m.: After an exploratory hike, my birthday friend and her boyfriend disappear, obviously, to screw. I promised Anne sex in the woods on the car ride, but now I wonder if we’ll have time. Everyone in the room wishes they were having sex instead.
1 a.m.: After putting back some wine, Anne and I slip away from the party to our small cabin bedroom. She pushes me onto the bed and starts telling me all the ways she’s going to do me. Our dirty talk quickly turns into our particular brand of role play, which is slightly meta or at least very conceptual. Her voice is more gravelly than usual because she’s decided to play like we are straight. I’m delighted. It’s way more fun to play straight in tacky environments like fake log cabins in gated communities in the Catskills.
1:20 a.m.: In between makeout sessions, the role play is getting a bit ridiculous because we’re both so theatrical. I put my hands on her chest over her flannel and beg her not to come inside me. She rips my clothes off instantly.
1:35 a.m.: She’s got her cock all lubed up and teases me for just a second, playing with my ass and doing I don’t know what else. But finally she fucks me from behind, grabbing at my hips and my breasts, until we both orgasm.
9 a.m.: I wake up and let Anne sleep in. I get breakfast made for me, and she misses a bunch of queers talking about sex over coffee.
1 p.m.: Anne swaggers over and pulls me into the bedroom, where we make out on the bed. Out of the corner of my eye I see a spider running across the pillow above our heads. I scream, Anne makes the spider go away.
3:15 p.m.: On the drive home we gossip about all of our friends and discuss the ethics of one of the guests getting drunk and trying to make out and sleep with the birthday girl’s boyfriend. Anne suggests I jerk off in the passenger seat but I decline. I act prissy about it for fun, but mostly I say no because I’m wearing tights and it seems complicated.
8 p.m.: Anne spends all afternoon and the evening trying to convince me to have sex again, but I work and order her bad Japanese food instead. Her commute essentially has forced her to try to push a week’s worth of sex into every weekend.
TOTALS: One act of spanking (giving), one act of anal sex (giving), one blow job (giving), one penetration by dildo (receiving), two acts of masturbation with vibrator, one act of fisting (receiving).