According to British psychologist Cliff Arnall, the confluence of the dreary weather, holiday debts, and failed New Year’s resolutions makes the third Monday in January the most depressing day of the year. That’s today! (Some reports actually place Blue Monday on January 24, for some reason. Since it’s all based on a ridiculous made-up equation commissioned for a PR campaign anyway, we’re going to just go with today.) So, how to celebrate this horrible, depressing day? Here are six ideas:
• Hold yourself as you rock back and forth in the shower with your clothes on.
• Type out a comprehensive list of all the goals you’ve failed to accomplish and all the dreams you’ll never fulfill.
• Visit your grandmother’s grave, place a bouquet of dead flowers on the tombstone.
• Sing the Happy Birthday song to yourself, over and over, in a dark room.
• For dinner, put on a pair of ill-fitting sweatpants and a stained sweatshirt and eat cereal out of the box while you lie in bed.
• Watch Requiem for a Dream, followed by The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, followed by Million Dollar Baby, followed by Shoah.