21 questions

Jon Glaser Doesn’t Get Enough Sleep

Name: Jon Glaser
Age: 42
Neighborhood: Nunnya (Brooklyn).
Occupation: Actor, writer, creator, and star of Delocated on Adult Swim. (Read more on that here.) His book My Dead Dad Was In ZZ Top comes out February 8, with a free release party that night at the Bell House with guests Paul Rudd, Jon Hamm, Scott Adsit, John Hodgman, Zoe Lister-Jones, and Ira Kaplan.

Who’s your favorite New Yorker, living or dead, real or fictional?
Pete Zaremba, the lead singer of the Fleshtones, which is one of my favorite bands.

What’s the best meal you’ve eaten in New York?
The Beep Boop slice at Robot Pizza.

In one sentence, what do you actually do all day in your job?
I design outdoor gear for North Face.

What was your first job in New York?
Writer for The Dana Carvey Show. Great first New York job.

What’s the last thing you saw on Broadway?
The other day I saw a guy boogaloo down Broadway.

Do you give money to panhandlers?

What’s your drink?

How often do you prepare your own meals?
I mentally prepare every single meal to get inside my tum-tum. Most meals are scared to be eaten.

What’s your favorite medication?
Proctozone. I’m not going for a cheap laugh, I just can’t believe a pharmaceutical company that makes an anal itch cream was either so lazy and uncreative or so irreverent as to actually call their product Proctozone.

What’s hanging above your sofa?

How much is too much to spend on a haircut?
I don’t know, who cares? My wife cuts my hair.

When’s bedtime?
Around midnight on average. I don’t get enough sleep.

Which do you prefer, the old Times Square or the new Times Square?
New Times Square. Could you imagine running across America and then not being able to have a “The Run Across America Sampler” at the Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. after you were done running across America? Not to mention all the people who ended up following you on your inspirational journey, who would also be hungry. No thanks.

What do you think of Donald Trump?
Well, I resent the shitty backrub he gave me once. I gave him one, and then we switched, and he didn’t even try. He barely even pressed hard.

What do you hate most about living in New York?
The sports teams.

Who is your mortal enemy?
People who don’t pick up their dog’s shit.

When’s the last time you drove a car?
I don’t know, Jim.

How has the Wall Street crash affected you?
It def hurtski in the ol’ pocky book, that’n be fer sure.

Times, Post, or Daily News?
The Freep.

Where do you go to be alone?
The park with my pooch. I guess that’s not alone.

What makes someone a New Yorker?
The righteous arrogance that allows someone to defiantly — and cowardly, after they safely get about 50 yards away — yell “YOU COULD HAVE BEEN NICER ABOUT THAT!!!” at me when I had the nerve to angrily point out that two of her three dogs that she was not paying attention to were taking shits that she was obviously not going to pick up, you lazy asshole that I hope is reading this.

Jon Glaser Doesn’t Get Enough Sleep