As Julian Assange is always quick to mention, the targets of WikiLeaks’ actions are corrupt governments and abusers of power. Exposing confidential documents isn’t a sign of self-serving disregard for the consequences of one’s actions, it’s freedom of information for the good of the world. So how does the silver-haired slytherin treat those whose worst crime is offering him temporary shelter? Pretty poorly, as it turns out. Allison Silverman, the former head writer for The Colbert Report, had friends who let Assange crash on their couch for a few days. She had them recount the story of their unfortunate experience, which ranges from pasta theft to possible shower sex to filling up his host’s hard drive. Then Silverman filmed a reenactment using other Colbert writers and Get Your War On creator David Rees, who has been recapping America’s Next Great Restaurant over at Grub Street. Warning: If you never wanted to picture what Julian Assange might look like in a towel, this is not the video for you.