Long Island housekeeper Gloria Suarez is being held without bail for kidnapping a 5-month-old girl from a family of thirteen and attempting to escape to Uruguay. She only made it as far as the LIRR before the cops cut her off. In anticipation of the plot, Suarez bought apple juice, dressed the child in boys’ clothes, and told the parents she was walking with the baby to CVS. Foolproof, no? “I knew that the baby would get more love and attention from me than she would ever get from these people,” Suarez told police in a statement. The Great Neck rabbi and his wife, Suarez explained, have “so many children that they just don’t have time for her.” Kidnapping: the new birth control.