Roberto Arango isn’t alone. When anti-gay politicians, preachers, and activists are caught doing very gay things — such as having sex with men, let’s say — they come up with some pretty dumb, albeit creative, excuses. It’s not their fault, really. What kind of excuse wouldn’t sound ludicrous in these situations? At least they tried, damn it. At least they tried.
Photo: Kevin Moloney/Getty
6. Meth and Massage
Megachurch preacher Ted Haggard initially claimed that his relationship with male prostitute Mike Jones was totally innocent — Jones had merely sold him meth and given him a massage.
Photo: Courtesy Phil Hinkle
5. Innocent Chit Chat
Indiana state lawmaker Phil Hinkle claims that he doesn’t know why he met an 18-year-old man in a hotel room recently after arranging the rendezvous on Craigslist, but that the two merely talked of “baseball and the view.”
Photo: Alex Wong/Getty
4. Wide Stance
Former Idaho senator Larry Craig famously blamed a wide stance for inadvertently signaling to his next-door stall neighbor (who turned out to be a police officer) that he wanted to engage in some bathroom sex. (In reality, Craig’s exact phrase was that he is a “wide guy,” which may actually be an even worse excuse than having a wide stance.)
3. Documenting Weight Loss
After nude photos of Puerto Rican senator Roberto Arango showed up on the gay networking app Grindr, Arango explained, “You know I’ve been losing weight. As I shed that weight, I’ve been taking pictures.” Arango must have lost a lot of weight in his anus, because it’s featured in one of the photos.
2. Black People
Florida state representative Bob Allen claimed that the only reason he agreed to blow an undercover cop and pay him $20 is because the cop was a “pretty stocky black guy, and there was nothing but other black guys around in the park” and Allen was afraid he “was about to be a statistic.” Apparently, being a horrible racist is way better than being gay.
1. Luggage Help
George Rekers, the vehemently anti-gay activist and co-founder of Family Research Council, insisted that he brought a male escort on his trip to Spain because he’d “had surgery” and couldn’t “lift luggage.” So he’d done what everyone looking for luggage help does — he went on rentboy.com and hired someone with a “perfectly built 8 inch cock.”