politispeak translator 5000

Translating Herman Cain on China

In an interview last night with Clarence Thomas’s wife, of all people, Herman Cain clarified his comically ill-informed warning that China, which has had nuclear weapons for over four decades, is “trying to develop nuclear capability.” With the help of the Politispeak Translator 5000 — a Cold War–era supercomputer that runs at Daily Intel headquarters around the clock, at a cost of $40,000 an hour — let’s look at what Herman Cain told Ginni Thomas about his China gaffe, and what he really meant.

What Cain Said: “Maybe I misspoke. What I meant was China does not have the size of the nuclear capability that we have. They do have a nuclear capability. I was talking about their total nuclear capability. So that’s what I meant by that.”

Now let’s just place that on a punch card and run it through the Politispeak Translator 5000 … bleep bleep bleep bleep bloop … bleep …. and here we go.

What Cain Really Meant: “I didn’t misspeak. I literally had no idea whether China has nuclear weapons or not. I just kind of guessed. After consulting my foreign policy expert, Mark Block, I now know that they possess nuclear weapons. Please don’t ask me any follow up questions about China until I memorize my flash cards.”

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Translating Herman Cain on China