stand clear of the closing doors

The MTA Will No Longer Tell You to Be Patient

Subway passengers ride a crowded L train October 9, 2005 in New York City. New Yorkers continued to ride the subway today, the date officials warned of a possible terror attack on the subway. (Photo by Mario Tama/Getty Images)
This train has been stuck for two hours, but nobody cares, because the robot-voiced person apologized. Photo: Mario Tama/Getty Images

We had no idea this was an issue, but apparently, some people feel that the automated “please be patient” announcements that play on subway trains during delays are infuriating and offensive. Don’t assume that I’m being impatient, you robot-voiced son of a bitch! Stop admonishing us and MOVE THE DAMN TRAIN. People would actually complain to the MTA, which means they stewed about this innocuous announcement until they got out of the subway, and then went through the effort of calling, or e-mailing, or writing a letter. So, after years of absorbing these complaints, the MTA has finally decided to make a change. Instead of asking riders to be patient, the automated robot-voiced person will offer a heartfelt apology. Now that patience is no longer required, feel free to respond to delays by running up and down your subway car while screaming like a banshee and slapping magazines out of the hands of your fellow travelers.