Let’s get this out of the way: A ‘babyccino’ is a coffee drink for babies, made of either a small decaf cappuccino or just steamed milk and foam, maybe with some cinnamon sprinkled on top. We only know this because the Brooklyn Paper tell us so, and it’s one of those things you wish you could un-learn or just write off as complete fiction if it weren’t for the enthusiastic parents raving about this horrible intersection of clichés — obsessive well-to-do parenting, coffee culture — without any hint of shame. “Our children love babyccinos!” says one Prospect Heights dad.
The off-menu drink ($2) is reportedly available at coffee shops in neighborhoods like Fort Greene and Park Slope, but not all baristas, a typically fiery and childless bunch, are going to play along:
“I have one customer who says that and it annoys the hell out of me,” said Sean Chin of Gorilla Coffee in Park Slope. “It is not on our menu — which we are making an effort to stick to.” …
The trend started in Australia about a decade ago with milk-only babyccinos and quickly became the bane of many a barista’s existence, according to Aussie coffee expert Paul Caligiore.
“They interrupt workflow, create milk wastage and can be served at a dangerous temperature to a vulnerable consumer,” said Caligiore, who despite his misgivings about the drink plans to begin selling the world’s first instant babyccino. “Babyccinos have become so popular in Australia it would be difficult to find a cafe that doesn’t have them on their menu.
Juice and plain milk are apparently passé, so we’re left with mothers who brag, “My child has been going to cafés since he was a newborn. … ‘Coffee shop’ was one of his first words.” This is why they hate us. And by us, I mean you, Brooklyn parents. You alone are to blame.