the vast left-wing conspiracy

Andrew Breitbart Murdered for Nothing!

If you’ve read the comment sections of any stories about the untimely death of Andrew Breitbart, then you’re already aware that the 43-year-old conservative provocateur (we are bound by law to describe him that way), who friends say suffered from a “history of heart problems,” was actually murdered by some combination of President Obama, the Illuminati, the Elders of Zion, and Jack Ruby. The reason? During CPAC earlier this month, Breitbart revealed that he had acquired damning tapes of Obama at Harvard:

We literally have no idea what the hell he was talking about there, but it doesn’t matter. The point is, there’s a video, something vaguely radical-sounding is on it, and Breitbart was going to release it, eventually. And so Obama/the Freemasons/the NAFTA superhighway assassinated him to prevent the video from ever seeing the light of day. Except:

On Thursday evening, Steve Bannon, a writer and documentary filmmaker (The Undefeated), told FOX News’s Sean Hannity that Breitbart’s company will release the mysterious Obama Harvard tapes within seven to ten days.

After Hannity brought up the tapes that Breitbart said “would change this election,” Bannon gave more information regarding when the public can expect to see them.

 “There’s a set of tapes and we’re going through it,” Bannon announced. “The staff … the guys are going through a series of tapes of President Obama at Harvard and … we’ll come back to you in a week or two and show them here on the Hannity show.” 

In one week, we’ll have these tapes?” Hannity asked.

 Bannon confirmed that they should be ready for release in a week to ten days.

If this was a conspiracy against Breitbart, it was a really poorly thought out one.