Every year, Time releases a list of the “100 most influential people in the world” — a list which inevitably contains a fair number of people who, while talented and noteworthy and all that, are probably not quite influential enough for such a list. We understand that a list of world leaders and bankers and philanthropists would not be the biggest newsstand draw, and that Time generally prefers to sell magazines. Nevertheless, if you’re going to call it the “100 most influential people in the world” — and not, say, “100 people who had a really interesting year last year” — then you should maybe, you know, make it a list of extremely influential people. Not, for example, these people, who we’ve ranked in order of their lack of influence.
2 (tie): Raphael Saadiq: Sings songs.
2 (tie). Chelsea Handler: Tells jokes.
2 (tie). Rihanna: Sings songs.
2 (tie). Louis CK: Made a TV show.
2 (tie). Viola Davis: Nearly won an Oscar for being in a movie.
2 (tie). Jessica Chastain: Was in a lot of movies.
2 (tie). Tilda Swinton: Was in that movie about the creepy kid.
2 (tie). Claire Danes: Was in a TV show.
2 (tie). Novak Djokovic: Good at tennis.
1. Marco Rubio: Uninfluential senator.