close misreadings

Bill Clinton Wants to Meet Up

ST. PAUL, MN - JULY 24: Former President Bill Clinton attends the Starkey Hearing Foundation's
Photo: Adam Bettcher/2011 Getty Images

He just e-mailed. Subject line, “Meeting you.” Something about Barack Obama, “a growing economy that works for middle-class families,”
blah blah blah. But he mentioned a place, New York City, where he wants to meet up with me. I mean, he must know I live there. It’s practically like he asked to come see what Williamsburg looks like these days. I guess he’s bringing Obama, too. Is it, like, a wingman thing? Is he shy? But no, he can’t be. I don’t wanna be gossipy or anything, but holy shit, are there some stories floating around about him from back in the day!

So like, he’s trying to be super-subtle with all kinds of filler talk about “policies that will leave us with more debt, weaker regulations on risky investments, and fewer jobs.” Maybe he’s trying to impress me with how smart he is? Or trying to make me think he takes me seriously for my mind or something? Whatever, NOT WORKING.  It’s like, I mean, I can read between the lines, dude. Surrre you were talking about Obama’s reelection when you said “here’s why I’m feeling good about our chances.” He’s not THAT smooth, though. I totally got the feeling it was kinda impersonal, like he’s just sending it out to a bunch of people on his “list” and seeing who responds, you know? Worst, worst, worst when boys do that. It’s like they think we can’t figure it out. So not replying.

Anyyywayyy. Moral dilemma! Do I tell his wife he’s just e-mailing twentysomething ladies, slick-willy-nilly? That’d be sorta shady, right? But ugh, I feel so awkward. He totally did it from some e-mail account,, that she doesn’t know about. I hope she hasn’t seen that porn star picture. I really just want them to work out, you know?

Related: Barack Obama’s Approach to E-mail Is Very Confusing of Late

Bill Clinton Wants to Meet Up