imagined conversations

How Levi Johnston Chose His Daughter’s Name

Levi Johnston visits Dave & Buster's Time Square on September 21, 2011 in New York City.
Levi Johnston. Photo: Donna Ward/Getty Images

It was reported yesterday that Levi Johnston and his girlfriend, Sunny Oglesby, plan to name their new daughter Breeze Beretta. Here is a one-scene play exploring how that probably happened. 

Sunny: Levi! Why in God’s name are you just hanging out on the porch, doing dip and drinking moonshine out of a bottle with three Xs on it, when you should be working on coming up with a name for the baby like I asked you to?

Levi: Oh, yeah, uh … actually, I already came up with a name! That’s why!

Sunny: Oh really? What is it?

Levi: Um, it’s … uh 

[a gust of cool Alaskan air blows across the porch]

Levi: Breeze! The name I came up with is Breeze.

Sunny: Huh … Breeze. Yeah, I kinda like that. You’re so creative, Levi! But you really shouldn’t be out here, getting plastered on moonshine, until we think up a middle name for little Breeze.

Levi: Oh, well, I already thought of a middle name, too.

Sunny: Really?!? I can’t wait to hear it.

Levi: Oh. So, the middle name, which I came up with, earlier, is 

[Levi desperately looks around the porch]

Levi: … I really think you’ll like it 

[He continues searching his immediate environment for some kind of inspiration]

Sunny: Just say it already!

Levi: Okay, jeez! The middle name is, uh 

[Levi spots a Beretta laying atop a shoebox full of guns]

Levi: Beretta!

Sunny: Breeze Beretta? That’s what you want to call our little girl? Our angel?

Levi: Yeah? I guess?

Sunny: I love it!

Levi: You do?

Sunny: Yes! And I love you, Levi Johnston.

Levi: And I love you, current girlfriend.

[Sunny kisses Levi, and he tastes like chewing tobacco and moonshine]