In just the past week, a naked man ate a homeless guy’s face in Miami, a New Jersey man threw his intestines at police, a Canadian porn star killed a man and ate parts of his body before mailing other parts to government officials, a Maryland man killed his roommate and ate his heart and brain, and a Staten Island pizza parlor owner nommed a dude’s ear. It seems clear that this sudden burst of zombie activity points inexorably to the beginning of the end for mankind. But we started to wonder this morning — from inside our fortified, WiFi enabled, mountainside bunker — whether the only thing that’s changed is that, in the wake of the headline-grabbing Miami incident, we’ve suddenly started paying a lot more attention to zombie-esque stories than we had in the past. After digging around, we found that while the frequency of cannibal stories over the past week is unusual, this kind of stuff happens fairly regularly. Here is a rundown of what we’ve found from just the past six months.
Most Viewed Stories
- Kanye’s Short-Lived Attempt to Get on the 2020 Ballot
- Behold Governor Cuomo’s Pandemic Mountain Poster, for Some Reason
- Republican National Convention Becoming a Dumpster Fire
- The Republican National Convention Suffers Another Round of Dropouts
- Will We Get a Second Round of COVID-19 Stimulus Checks?
“So are white people. So are white people. What a terrible question to ask. So are white people, more white people, by the way. More white people”
A piece of unalloyed good news
Good luck with that one
Cases down considerably, but deaths up
Federal executions are back after a long absence
The U.S. government on Tuesday carried out the first federal execution in almost two decades, putting to death a man who killed an Arkansas family in a 1990s in a plot to build a whites-only nation in the Pacific Northwest. The execution came over the objection of the victims’ family.
Daniel Lewis Lee, 47, of Yukon, Oklahoma, died by lethal injection at the federal prison in Terre Haute, Indiana.
“I didn’t do it,” Lee said just before he was executed. “I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life, but I’m not a murderer. … You’re killing an innocent man.”
An ambitious plan from the Democratic candidate
It’s pretty hard to spin this one
A drastic about-face for California
A self-destructive message that he just won’t stray from