President Obama Wants Your Birthday Gifts

Are you tired of people giving you money? The hassle of putting it in your wallet or depositing it in a bank? The unbearable inconvenience of carrying it around and then, if you even possess the strength and resolve at this point, using it to purchase goods and services? Ugh.

Well the Obama campaign is here to help. The next time you celebrate a birthday or wedding, Bar Mitzvah or pagan goat sacrifice, tell your friends and family to send their checks straight to the Obama campaign. For no charge, they’ll take your money and spend it on stuff so you don’t have to. Thanks Obama!