sex diaries

The Submissive Man Who Isn’t Allowed to Orgasm

Once a week, Daily Intel takes a peek behind doors left slightly ajar. This week, the Submissive Man Who Isn’t Allowed to Orgasm: Male, 43, South Carolina, college professor, heterosexual, in an open marriage.


6:30 a.m. I wake up, still in bondage, as I am almost every morning. This morning, my ankles are in leather cuffs locked on and to each other, which leaves about two inches of play between them. My hands are locked in padded leather mitts, which force them into fists and make the fingers completely useless. These, too, are locked to each other. Last night, my wife and dominant, DR, set the wake-up time for 7 this morning. I am not allowed to awaken her before then, short of bathroom needs or urgent distress. I have few other options, so I try to doze some more.

7:02 a.m. I wake again, and reach over to DR and start waking her with gentle kisses on the forehead, ear, neck, and, when she stirs and offers it, her lips. We say good morning and I stroke her arm as best I can, moving both hands together. She reaches for the keys and begins to let me out. I am getting quite hard at this point, but I know nothing will happen. This is the ninth day since my last orgasm, and she told me last Sunday that she had decided that I would not come again until she could feel my need for it, and she did not know when that would be.

10:06 a.m. DR went back to sleep after freeing me, so I’m surfing porn on Tumblr. The porn is mostly either female domination, bondage, chastity (male or female), or fetish (latex or leather clothing) photos. My favorites tend to be combinations. Though I’m submissive to DR and love bondage, I’m not a masochist (or sadist) and tend not to watch blogs that have a lot of pain imagery. It’s a turnoff.

10:40 a.m. DR is starting to awaken. After I make her tea, we lie naked, intertwined, talking about mundane things. I start caressing her breasts. This isn’t likely to lead to anything, unless she wants me to finger her, but it’s part of our connection. DR mentions that we need to try out the latest tweaks on my chastity belt. Yes, chastity belts are real, and they are made for both men and women. I never know in advance when she’s planning to put it on me.

12:10 p.m. We are back in bed. She hooks her fingers through the heavy steel ring that clasps my chainmail collar, and comments that she likes to use it as a handle. She reaches down toward my cock. As she masturbates me, sometimes she pauses and rubs her thumb on the head for a different sensation, and to make sure she doesn’t do any one thing long enough for me to come. As I roll onto my back, she climbs on top and reaches for the lube. After some more strokes with her hand, she lowers herself onto me. “Instructions?” I ask. “Don’t come. And let me know if you’re about to.” “Yes, ma’am.” After nine days, it doesn’t take long to reach that threshold. She’s ridden up and down about six or eight times when I say, “Getting close.” She stops and climbs off, then we lie in each other’s arms a bit longer. I so want to masturbate now.

1:05 p.m. We shower together. After she’s washed my penis, I say, “I don’t know if it was an explicit decision not to, but you haven’t said anything about the repercussions of an accident.” “It would depend on the situation.” We agree that it would never be a rule I’d break intentionally but that the longer this goes, the easier it will be to misjudge an edging (bringing myself close to orgasm). I’m quite hard again thinking this through. She also suggests the chastity belt might be handy.

5:29 p.m. I browse Tumblr. The first thing that shows up is a teasing handjob, with the caption, “Don’t you dare. Not without my permission.”

6:50 p.m. Another quick Tumblr porn check. I send DR the link to one I liked, just a collar chained to the bedpost, not in use.

9:25 p.m. I just had a snack, and porn check. I tend to prefer pictures of women bound to pictures of men, even though I enjoy being tied more than doing the tying. With written erotica, I enjoy either.

10:15 p.m. I lie in bed, winding down, and think I’d like to masturbate, anticipating tonight’s restraints. Not in the cards, I know (unless I want to edge, which I don’t). The last period of ordered denial was fourteen days. I’ll be surprised if this one is shorter.

11:10 p.m. DR starts physically and verbally teasing, about how far she wants to push me in the denial. I don’t know whether I want her to keep stroking me, with me knowing she’s just teasing, or not.

11:35 p.m. Time for tonight’s chains. My ankles are again cuffed together, this time with a short chain tethering them to an eyescrew in the end of our bed, which is built for bondage. My hands have more slack, so I can roll over, but are also chained near the headboard.


6:25 a.m. I find stories I like online, about being buried in sand, and start masturbating. I am just edging myself, but I am required to do so a certain number of times per week. I read and pump (as best I can with the chains) and pause just before coming. Again and again. That’s all I can take without risking orgasm, so I stop for now.

6:47 a.m. DR releases me (though leaving the individual cuffs locked on my limbs), and now I take a quick Tumblr check, finding some cool photos of women in latex.

7:36 p.m. I’m getting somewhat jaded since discovering Tumblr, but I still pause at the panel of animated GIFs of women mummified in tape, wrapped neck to toe, and squirming. Tape mummification is one of my favorite things, though it is time-consuming to do well.

8:05 p.m. I come upstairs and kneel beside DR in her chair. After some kissing, she tells me to sit in my chair. She then gets out cuffs and chain. She locks a leather collar on my neck (our “play collar,” as opposed to my 24/7 chainmail collar that signifies her ownership of me) and cuffs on my wrists. She asks if I’d prefer to be naked. Since the answer is yes, she lets me undress before finishing. She chains my wrists together behind my back and locks the connecting chain to one hanging from my neck. “No instructions, you’re just in the situation you’re in. I’m going to make dinner.” And she leaves. I maneuver to get the TV remotes and set up a movie. It’s a very arousing situation, but of course no masturbation, even if I could reach. I manage to twist my arms over my head to get my hands in front, at least.

8:42 p.m. DR comes up with dinner and looks unsurprised. “I wondered if you’d be able to do that.”

11:18 p.m. I am ready for bed, still chained. DR puts my ankle cuffs on and locks them together, part of “tucking me in.” She mentions that she expects some manual orgasms from me in the morning. I am having trouble slowing my mind. Finally, she reaches under the covers. I am expecting her to tease me, but she instead moves my wedding band from my left hand to my right. This signifies that I am to speak only when spoken to. I don’t think she is annoyed, just helping me calm myself. And it always leaves me turned on, just from yielding control.


6:02 a.m. I’m awake in my chains. The alarm is set for 7, but one of the terms under which I can wake DR early is bathroom needs. She unhooks the wrist and ankle cuffs, leaving them locked on and the chain dangling from my collar.

7:08 a.m. I go to wake DR again, cupping her breast and nuzzling her, how she wants to be awakened. I very much want sex. It’s not exactly horniness, since I’m not even hard, but I want the connection. I say as much, and she wants me to tell her how I feel. I do my best to describe the physical longing.

8:20 a.m. I am not feeling my best physically and she decides to wait on the fingering until I am more on my game and can give her proper attention. She tells me this while cupping my crotch. She does a little massaging, then takes off my cuffs and collar and sends me to shower.

2:35 p.m. A coupon for one of our favorite online kink stores comes in e-mail today, and DR and I discuss whether we can afford a pair of locking, leather thigh cuffs. When she is in the mood to have me bind her, she usually wants her legs stretched and tied wide open. Thigh cuffs would make that much easier.

10:30 p.m. DR locks me up for the night. My wrists and ankles are closely linked again. This is the most common position, letting me feel cozily constrained, but little interference with sleep.


5:48 a.m. It is not easy to read porn on the computer and masturbate at the same time while my wrists have about two inches between them, but I manage. I am just edging myself, of course. I cannot stroke myself much anymore without coming though. It’s day twelve since my last orgasm.

6:10 a.m. I awaken DR. She unhooks my wrists and says she’s horny. I ask if she wants help, and she says yes. I start by playing with her breasts, then move my hand down. I am pretty good at finding what works for her. This is very arousing to me, but it’s about her right now. As she comes down from the orgasms, she says, “I’ve been needing that for a day and a half!”

9:20 p.m. DR locks the cuffs on and together. As we snuggle, she starts masturbating me. Out of desperation, I ask if she needs anything before sleep, which causes her to burst out laughing. She resumes stroking. When she asks me to describe what I’m feeling, I tell her that I am missing hope. We play teasing games frequently, but I always have the hope that I’ll get to come this time. Right now, there is none. She tells me that when this is over, she may go to the other extreme — to have me have sex with her and come as often as physically possible.


6:03 a.m. I wake up trying to figure out my third masturbation/edging for the week, to meet the requirement. I consider this morning, because I am traveling and staying at a friend’s this weekend, so I don’t want to mess up their sheets. Now I remember I won’t be ejaculating anyway, so that’s not an issue. I guess I’ll save No. 3.

10:05 p.m. DR tucks me in. I have a drive tomorrow, so she doesn’t do anything stringent, just the usual linked cuffs. There is no teasing either.


6:18 a.m. It is almost time to wake DR, and I again think about using the third masturbation. But the same logic as yesterday takes hold. I will conserve it for when I am sleeping alone.

11:10 a.m. I’m thinking of getting on the road and say something about getting myself together. DR hooks two fingers in the ring on my collar and simply says, “No.” We snuggle for awhile. She teases me again, grabbing my penis, stroking it, squeezing it, and asks what “the count” is. “Twelve days since the order, fourteen days since the last orgasm.” She knows I will know that off the top of my head. DR rolls me over, and I wonder if she is going to massage my prostate, but instead she sends me to the shower to go. I think about edging in the shower, but decide it would be too easy to accidentally come.

12:20 p.m. DR takes my collar off for the trip. Neither of us like me being without it.

10:08 p.m. I’m not in bed yet, but I start to pick out bondage fiction online to edge myself to tonight.

11:12 p.m. I spend quite a lot of time edging, while chatting with DR in another window.


5:35 a.m. I remember coming close to coming several times during the night holding myself. Apparently the need is growing, if I’m even masturbating in my sleep.

7:51 a.m. I scan Tumblr while chatting online with DR. Prose is so much more arousing to me than images, but I enjoy particularly well-done ropework, or well-contoured latex clothing, or, this morning, a woman in a chainmail dress.

3:29 p.m. I e-mail DR to ask permission to buy some prose erotica. I normally have a budget for luxuries that I can buy without specific permission, but money is tight right now.

4:19 p.m. DR gives permission for the expenditure, seeming amused. I have used my quota for masturbation, so any reading I do tonight will be simple torment.

10:20 p.m. I get through reading three or four short stories, aroused as can be. I feel like I might even be leaking, and I wonder what will happen if I come without touch. I check, and I’m dry, but so aroused after fifteen days. No idea how long it will be this time.

TOTALS: 3 acts of masturbation; 5 acts of being masturbated; 1 act of masturbating partner; 1 brief act of intercourse; 7 acts of surfing porn on Tumblr; 3 readings of erotica; 7 bondage sessions; 0 orgasms.

Submissive Man Sex Diary