conspiracy theories

We’re Supposed to Believe the New East River Monster Is Just a Pig?

Photo: Denise Ginley

Over the weekend, photographer Denise Ginley captured a series of images both ghastly and thrilling of what appeared to be a direct descendent of the Montauk Monster, a fabled symbol of New York City summers past. This fresh East River Monster was ugly, weathered, and looked water-bloated, like his predecessor, possibly falling somewhere in between a rodent of unusual size and a part-human werewolf.

So we were dismayed (but not shocked) today to see the New York Parks Department shrug off this X-Files-style genetic miracle: “It was a pig left over from a cookout,” a spokesperson told Animal NY. “We disposed of it.” Was it really though? Our gut, and a passing knowledge of pigs, says no.

In the mutilated face, sure, maybe we could see it. There might’ve been a snout there at some point and the dirty, crumpled ears look pig-ish.

But it’s the feet, and specifically the toes, that weird us out. That is not like any pig’s foot we’ve ever seen, be they in jars or in petting zoos, and Best Pig Facts agrees: Porkers have four toes on each hoof. We clearly see five on the Monster, who we’ll call Wilbur:

Photo: Denise Ginley
Photo: Photo by Denise Ginley and Istockphoto

I definitely agree that the feet are not pig-like at all,” Ginley confirmed to Daily Intel. “No hooves or cloven feet to be seen — it definitely had five toes on all its paws, front and back.” She added, “I think it could be a monstrously huge rat, but it could also be a monster. A rat that big would pretty much be a monster anyway, wouldn’t it?”

If this was from a cookout, why was it not eaten at all, but left to rot on the beach? Just what is the Parks Department hiding? Is Wilbur a mutant? We pointed out the toe discrepancy to the Parks Department this afternoon, only to be dismissed. “It was a roasted pig — we threw it out,” a spokesperson insisted. “We didn’t count its toes, we just threw it out.”

Hopefully by “threw it out” they mean transferred to a top-secret lab for more testing, because we are not yet done demanding answers.

The New East River Monster Is Not a Pig