sex diaries

The 32-Year-Old Woman Who Thinks Every Older Woman Should Be a Cougar

Once a week, Daily Intel takes a peek behind doors left slightly ajar. This week, the Woman Who Thinks Every Older Woman Should Be a Cougar: Female, 32, sex educator, North Carolina, heteroflexible, polyamorous.


11 a.m. My phone wakes me to eight new OkCupid messages and two texts. The first message is from the newest, supposedly wanting-to-be-dominated hot young thing. He still hasn’t seen my face but is impressed with my open-minded way of approaching sexy topics. Another long-winded message from the 95 percent match who still won’t meet after weeks. I’m beginning to wonder what he’s lying about. All the other messages disintegrate to bubkes. Texts are better, with a hot body pic of the guy I was talking to at 2 a.m., and one of my long-distance lovers checking in about our visit next month. Apparently he’s excited, and so am I. I check work e-mails and see what agendas might be calling. Coffee and toast is in my future.

2 p.m. Yoga class. There are rarely any cuties here. Mostly they are older, self-righteous, or too skinny. I think I see somebody interesting then realize it’s a woman. Maybe I need new glasses.

9 p.m. First date with a Cupid. We’ve been talking for a few weeks, but it’s hard to gauge our chemistry. I like our deep conversations, but I’m concerned they might be too serious. He’s cuter in person, even though I’m more into hair than the bald thing. I’ve learned to relax on that, though, as there are definitely hairless hotties. The conversation flows, but we’re just not connecting. Baldie walks me to my car and hugs me one-armed. I’d like to at least feel his muscles, since I don’t think we’ll have a second date, so I pull him in for a full squeeze, but I’m not going to push it. I may be assertive, but I am definitely too proud/awesome to beg.

2 a.m. I stay up late trading sexy pics with Lab Guy. He’s scruffy and meaty and is studying to be a rocket scientist. He doesn’t look the type and that makes him even hotter. We only meet monthly but keep each other entertained with pics and dirty talk in the interim. We get on Skype and play until the wee hours.


Noon I sleep late and awake to many texts. One seems fun, but is a ginger and not really my type. Ginger and I still haven’t met yet, and I blame him. He always wants to know what I’m doing now, like right now. I’ve told him I don’t work like that, but it seems he thinks that if he keeps trying, one day the stars will align. And who knows? Maybe one day I’ll be free and horny on the same day that he’s off work. He always gets a little upset when I decline although he should be used to it by now. Ginger accuses me of being uptight. I laugh, since it’s so not true. Oh well, I tell him, don’t hook up with me then.

8 p.m. I spend all day catching up on projects and am now starving. Since I want to see friends and avoid eating alone, I call my girlfriend Miss Thang who is always working like a fiend but is occasionally flexible if you remind her that we all have to eat. Miss Thang’s already on her way to a film audition and then having drinks with her cousin who is flying in from Atlanta. Miss Thang really wants me to meet him. He works in education so she thinks we will hit it off. I remind her that I do sex education. “He could use some,” she retorts. I say I’ll try. I text Ginger, but, of course, now he is busy. So it goes. I root around my house and find food.

10 p.m. I decide it would be a good idea to leave the house and see Miss Thang. I like meeting people who are close to my friends, and she’s been telling me about this cousin. The place they are going to is dimly lit with cozy couches, where I may not run into too many people I know. When I arrive, I don’t see them, but I do spot a superhot guy with lots of tattoos who looks familiar. As I get closer, I recognize him, a gay guy from yoga class. We’re friends on Facebook, but I don’t think he knows I’m me.

10:05 p.m. As I wait for the bartender, he looks over. Our conversation: Him: “Hey, I see you in yoga all the time.” He’s sooooo cute! Me: “Oh yeah, cool. Don’t you love that studio?” Him: “I do, but not as much as I love seeing you. I mean, you’ve got great energy!” Me: “That’s sweet, you’re nice to see too!” I’m imagining us going out for margaritas and girl talk. He leans over and lowers his voice. Him: “I’m here on a date, but we should meet up soon. I’d love to take you out to dinner.” Me: “Oh cool, we can talk about boys and stuff!”

10:07 p.m. He looks at me weirdly and hands over his card. He’s joined by what I can only assume is his date — a very cute, petite brunette, like me. And also like me, she’s a girl. “Great to see you!” I say. He smiles, turns back to the woman, and I hear him say yoga. I order a beer instead of vodka.

Midnight I’m home. Miss Thang’s cousin was tired after his flight, and there was definitely no love connection. Turns out he is a coach, and while that concept could make for hot fantasies, the reality of playing with his balls on the court is not appealing. While he and Miss Thang may share the same gene pool, some things just look better on a woman.


11 a.m. Yay, a text from Baby Boy! And when I say baby, it’s not far from the truth (he’s 20). We met a few months back and immediately hit it off. While he is significantly younger than me and the men I usually date, he was just too darn cute of a catch to throw back into the sea. I don’t see him that often, but when we do meet, it is amazing. We concrete our plans for the weekend. I can’t wait!

2 p.m. My favorite yoga class. It’s packed, and the instructor clears a spot near him. I am very distracted by our proximity. He’s rather sexy, and if he wasn’t married (and monogamous, since the two are not always synonymous), I would downward face his dog in any position. When your mind wanders, he says, keep coming back to the breath. In, out, in, out. This isn’t working.

9 p.m. I meet up with my little sister. She’s been out all night with her newest conquest (the apple doesn’t fall far) and is cranky. I’m getting texts from Mr. Absolute, a big buff guy who wants to be dominated. Considering that I’m little, I’ve had my reservations, but I may come around one of these days. His latest text asks if I would go with him to a sex shop. I tell him I’d rather just have sex.

Midnight I am so tired that I fall into bed at a reasonable hour. I fantasize about dominating Mr. Absolute but can’t get into it. I focus on Baby Boy (BB) instead, and it works like a charm.


11 a.m. A morning with no texts! I’m actually relieved, as I have a lot to do.

8 p.m. After a fruitful workday, I am ready for a break from thinking. I have hot plans this weekend so decide to relax at home. I watch a cheesy romantic comedy and allow myself one hour of perusing sexy profiles before bed.

Midnight I use my vibrating friend to lull me to sleep. I think of faceless men holding me down and calling me good girl. I fall asleep effortlessly.


11 a.m. So much textual activity this morning, but I read them quickly. I understand that everyone wants to firm up their weekend plans, but mine are hard as a rock already. And that’s where I plan to be stuck all weekend — between a rock and a rock-hard Baby Boy.

2 p.m. I drive through the mountains to pick up BB. I text along the way with Goth Daddy, my friend with kinky benefits who lives in one of the cities that I frequent. He’s great to text with, as he’s always quick to answer, especially during the day when he’s at work. He loves to get excited under his desk, and I know just what to say.

4 p.m. I’m with my BB! We get coffee, and it’s so good to be back with his cheerfulness. He jokes with all the employees and other customers, complimenting them and finding a way to connect to each personally. BB knows how to make people feel special and I appreciate that. “Let’s blow this place,” he says. “I really missed you and can’t wait to have you all to myself.” I beam at him, and everyone looks on wistfully. The feeling is so mutual.

7 p.m. We check in to a hotel for the weekend instead of dealing with all my roommates and their schedules. I want to have very loud sex with no restrictions. One of my roomies is an ex, so it’s partially to accommodate him, too. While he knows I’m dating BB, I know he doesn’t want to hear me moaning because of him. A hotel is also exciting with a lover, and BB tells me it’s his first time doing this. I am happy to give him another new experience.

11 p.m. Any woman over 30 who has never dated a younger man is missing out. Just sayin’!

1 a.m. If this is what being a “cougar” feels like, put me in a cage and call me Pussycat!


2 p.m. I take Baby Boy shopping because all of his jeans are ripped. I let him pay for most things with his hard-earned cash but can’t resist buying him a few nice things. I wonder if people think I’m his aunt. He keeps touching me, and I don’t think I’m getting any strange looks, but I can’t be sure. My Gay Husband and his boyfriend meet us. It’s their first time seeing BB in the flesh, and they agree he is even cuter in person. BB charms them easily with his quick wit and sweet nature. They assure me that while he does look young, we don’t look disparate together. “Hey honey,” Gay Husband reminds me, “you look young, too!” Now that’s what friends are for!

7 p.m. We get dressed in the new clothes, and I take BB out for a fancy dinner. He always loves the food we eat, and his gratitude makes it more enjoyable. We talk about how lucky we are to have this relationship. While it can’t last forever, we are enjoying it now, and that’s what matters.

10 p.m. I take BB to one of my best girlfriend’s houses. Girlfriend is hot and married to a hot man but still likes to live vicariously through me. Girlfriend has no chance to enjoy BB, though, as her gay neighbor is there, and he proceeds to gobble BB up piece by piece. BB loves the attention and I don’t begrudge him. Besides, I know he is going home with me.

3 a.m. He’s kept me up all night. Yay!


11 a.m. I spend a glorious lazy morning in bed with BB and then go over to a friend’s house for brunch. Friend and her husband make a sumptuous breakfast feast. BB and I are in great spirits after our amazing weekend together. I allow him two rounds of video games with my friend’s tween son before we leave. I tell my friend I can leave him there if they will babysit. We all laugh, but I’m kind of serious.

4 p.m. I drive BB back to his summer job. He introduces me to his friend who is his age but looks a lot younger or maybe just actually looks his age. I try not to think about what I was doing the year they were born. I kiss BB good-bye with the promises of future plans and leave him waving at me in the rearview.

7 p.m. I get home and find my ex/roommate out on the porch looking sad. While we are both realistic about our incompatibilities as partners, it’s not easy for him when I have someone I really like around. We decide to have dinner and watch a movie together. We know each other so well that it’s like being with a family member. Maybe that’s the problem for our sexual relationship, but for our friendship, it’s nice. We laugh and talk for a while, and then I’m in bed by midnight, looking forward to the texts I’ll be getting in the morning.

TOTALS: 75 e-mails exchanged; six face-rides; too many orgasms to count.

The Heteroflexible Cougar Sex Diary