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Sheldon Adelson Is Buying the World’s Most Expensive Potato Latke

Las Vegas casino boss Sheldon Adelson gestures during press conference in Macau on September 20, 2012. Adelson unveiled plans to build a scaled down replica of the Eiffel Tower as part of a new 3 billion USD gambling resort in Macau.
The Obama campaign should just FedEx this guy a latke already. Photo: Phillipe Lopez/AFP/Getty Images

What motivates Sheldon Adelson, the casino magnate who has so far donated $70 million of his vast $21 billion fortune to the cause of defeating President Obama, an already record-breaking sum that could further climb to $100 million by the time all is said and done? Politico robot-hobo reporter Mike Allen finally found out: Adelson just wants a goddamn potato latke.

Adelson said he recently told Romney: “I want to tell you something: I’m not looking for an ambassadorship. I’m not looking for anything, except if I’m fortunate enough to be invited to another [White House] Hanukkah party, I want two potato pancakes, because last time I was there, they ran out of them.” He explained that he went “to all the Hanukkah parties for the eight years of Bush … but the last time I was there, they ran out of … latkes.”

[Scene from inside the Adelson compound, later today.]

Adelson: Why didn’t anyone tell me that the White House Hanukkah parties aren’t the only place you can get latkes!?! WHY!?
Terrified Aide No. 1: We’re — we’re so sorry, sir.
Adelson: [Sweeps arm across dining-room table, sending china clattering to the ground.] Your “sorry” isn’t going to get my $70 million back!
Terrified Aide No. 1: Absolutely not, sir; I apologize for being sorry.

[Terrified Aide No. 1 begins hurriedly picking up pieces of broken china from the floor.]

Adelson: What about you, Bosworth, what do you have to say for yourself?
Terrified Aide No. 2: My … my name is Frank, sir.
Adelson: Get me a latke this instant, Bosworth — no, wait. Two latkes. Aaahh, yes … at last.

Sheldon Adelson Buys World’s Priciest Latke