Once a week, Daily Intel takes a peek behind doors left slightly ajar. This week, the College Student Getting Turned On by Her Gay Theater Class: Female, 19, student at conservative college, western Tennessee, in a relationship, pansexual.
9 a.m. Go to my gay theatre class. I am not demeaning the class; it’s just that it literally is a gay theatre class. We read and discuss plays with queer characters. I get annoyed with a classmate when she says a character is too bold as a woman for proposing to her boyfriend.
9:30 a.m. I make the point that based on what we’ve read so far, sex is integral to marriages because without it the characters seem to feel lacking. I am reminded again that were I to ever decide to get married, the person I marry better be ready to have a lifelong sexual relationship.
10 a.m. I always leave that class turned on. Something about the adrenaline of discussion, and the theme almost always being one or two degrees away from sex definitely gets my blood circulating. The only drawback is that I almost never get to masturbate right after. It usually doesn’t fit into my schedule.
10:20 a.m. Okay, I lied. I put off the homework I was planning on doing to sneak to my dorm room. I masturbate standing up against the bed fantasizing about having sex in my classroom. I only get a mild sense of relief and instead I start missing my significant other (SO) more. If only he weren’t 1,400 miles away … I feel like I haven’t had sex in too long. It’s only been a couple of weeks.
11 a.m. Get a text from SO. It’s a thinly veiled “I wish you could give me head right now” text. I appreciate him being vague; it makes the act of texting about sex feel much more classy. It’s funny that we’re both sexually worked up today. We’ve reached the point of not seeing each other where our lack of physical contact becomes painfully apparent.
Noon Go online and chat with SO, about nothing particularly steamy. We argue the use of feminine pronouns. He finds it ridiculous and thinks it does nothing to further the cause of feminism. I disagree. I need to think more about it before I am able to properly defend my points. SO is more intelligent than most so discussing things can be rather trying. He can easily spot the weaknesses in all of my underdeveloped theories.
12:40 p.m. I tell SO about my period starting early. I briefly wonder if other couples talk about menstruation. I had new underwear on; they were white. Moments like these are when I hate being a woman. We then congratulate ourselves, as we do every month, for effectively practicing safe sex.
5 p.m. I go to my sorority house to meet potential new members. I end up talking with one of the older girls about birth control pros and cons.
5:30 p.m. My sorority sister shares a story about a pregnancy scare she had a few years back. I would be so scared if that were to happen to me. I say a silent prayer to the birth control gods, internally explaining to them that I use it well, so I should not have a pregnancy scare.
11:30 p.m. I text SO to tell him I’m thinking about him and looking forward to seeing him in a month. We chat for a while before bed and I remind him that I have the teddy bear we made together to sleep with. It’s the little things that help bridge the distance.
9:45 a.m. I wake up after sleeping in late. The wonders of weekends for college students. I always get slightly nervous in the mornings if I haven’t heard from SO for a while. It’s irrational, I know, but even with our promises of commitment to one another and our history, I really dislike not hearing from him.
11 a.m. I prepare for the next sexual health meeting. Nothing like stuffing bags full of condoms and pamphlets. Hopefully we will get some new members this year who are able to discuss sex with kids on campus without giggling.
2 p.m. I go to a sorority meeting. A new member and I bond over being feminists. It’s cliché, I know, but when there are very few people on campus who don’t shudder at the word, it’s nice to find a like-minded person (especially in Greek life).
5 p.m. I get online for a little while to talk with SO. We discuss our days. He sends me a few links to new bands he likes. I send him links to articles I am reading.
6 p.m. Dinner with friends. My prudish but lovely friend gets flustered by a joke I make about giving oral. I then remind her that I want to take her underwear shopping.
7 p.m. I finish up homework, then talk with SO for a few hours while watching a movie. Watching things, exchanging articles, listening to the same music, etc. are the small things we share from a distance. In lieu of dates, we do things like this.
7 a.m. I wake up early to go for a walk/run. I have a new goal for the school year that basically consists of “I should not be ashamed of the things I put into my body or the things I do with my body.” Running is part of said goal.
11 a.m. I go to work for the day. I work with my very quirky professors. We discuss their recently published articles and their ideas for my future. I spend the downtime chatting online with SO about our days. It’s a slightly immoral thing to do as I’m getting paid for my time, but he knows that at a moment’s notice I may have to go run errands for my supervisor.
4 p.m. My resident hall co-president and I are holding a meeting for students. We have devised curriculums for the different dorms. With majorly female dorms the main discussion is birth control (it’s astounding how little young women know about their own bodies) and in majorly male dorms, we discuss the definition of consent. It seems sexist, but acquaintance rape is a huge deal on college campuses and I do not want my fellow students to become a statistic.
5 p.m. The meeting went well. We got the typical questions from the girls, “What about the inactive pills?” “Do I really have to take the pill at the same time every day?”,or “What exactly is the ring?” We also always have someone ask about weight gain for the different forms of birth control.
7 p.m. Go to dinner with friends. I’m bad at talking about my long-distance relationship with them, even though they are some of my best friends. I am very insecure about the distance, not to mention relationships in general. When I talk about him it makes me feel like I’m bragging or I’m very hopeful for our future. I know we are committed to one another, but being overly hopeful about the future makes me feel like I have a lot to lose.
9 a.m. Gay theatre class. I am reminded of my current desire to cut my hair extremely short.
Noon SO logs online very quickly to just say hello. When I’m waiting to talk with him, it always feels just slightly annoying to only see him for a few minutes. It’s not even enough to discuss our days, let alone anything more. He says that he is thinking about me and that he hopes I have a good day. Sweet, but I’d rather actually talk to him.
2 p.m. I start sending pictures of the potential haircut to friends. SO says I would be attractive no matter what. Piercings have been the only thing to ever upset him. It’s not a conservative thing for him; he just has moral issues with piercing holes in one’s body. I get mixed reviews on whether I have the right build/facial structure for a pixie cut.
3 p.m. I re-blog sexual health information on our Planned Parenthood Tumblr. It’s been a great way to get random information (and a feminist Ryan Gosling or two) to our student body.
6 p.m. I get extremely worried about my commitments for the year and whether I can handle all of them. It’s not enough that I have a job I hope to keep for the rest of my college life, difficult classes, a social life on campus, and multiple clubs I run; being in a long-distance relationship requires a lot of time. I have to schedule time to talk to my SO. I know this is normal for relationships, but I feel so inactive when I’m just sitting on a computer. At least other couples get to touch when they spend time with each other.
11:15 p.m. SO gets online. We get into a bit of a tiff about talking at agreed-upon times. I dislike waiting for him. He questions my commitment to the relationship, and it is overall one of those serious conversations you tend to have when you’ve been with someone for a while. Conversations like that are necessary, but they still leave your stomach feeling a bit sickly.
11 a.m. SO texts me to wish me luck getting my hair cut later. I’m nervous.
3:30 p.m. I go to my philosophy and literature class. My professor for that class isn’t my typical type (the men I’m attracted to are usually very tall and very thin), but he is gorgeous. His eyes radiate blue and when he discusses literature and characters, my heart melts inside. He practically dances around the front of the room. I don’t know a single student who doesn’t find him attractive.
5:30 p.m. I go and get my haircut. It’s very short and asymmetrical. I love it. I feel very clichéd-gender-studies student (most of my friends studying gender theory have chopped all of their hair off at some point in their college career), but I can’t help enjoying it. Will I probably get called a lesbian for it? Yes. Will I care? Possibly.
7 p.m. I send pictures out of the new hair. SO says he’s waiting to look at them until we are talking. He immediately says he likes it and we talk about other things (like homework) for a while.
7:45 p.m. The thing about video chatting while we are alone in our rooms is that it can almost always get very sexual with SO. It starts with small things like me changing into pajamas, and then it sort of escalates into us convincing each other to no longer be wearing clothes. I’m not sure how other couples engage in Internet sex (it’s not something I really discuss with friends), but SO and I do a few different things. Our most common method is to “race.” We see who can get themselves off first, and whoever does, wins. We’ve done it on the phone listening to each other making sound as well. Tonight, however, it’s the good old-fashioned video chat.
8 p.m. Once we are done lowering our libidos — though never low enough — we just talk for a while, then wish each other good night. Watching each other having an orgasm is never as good as actually seeing each other, but it’s the only way we can be sexual together from this far away.
10:30 a.m. Get into work early. Start chatting with SO. He convinces me to video chat even though I’m at work (I have never been this unprofessional before). I don’t speak aloud but we make faces at each other. My supervisor walks in so I minimize the video window. SO watches as I discuss my duties for the day. My supervisor leaves and when I pull the window up SO is laughing at me.
3 p.m. Rush to get an assignment posted online on time. My professor, who also happens to be one of my supervisors and my advisor, has very specific deadlines and the thought of not doing something for her on time makes me ridiculously anxious.
5 p.m. I go shopping with new sorority members to buy fabric for our annual toga party. I end up discussing the concept of the walk of shame with some of the new girls. They’re all extremely convinced they will never drink and never end up in that sort of situation. I remember hearing fellow freshmen say that last year. Eventually, everyone in college is in some sort of typical situation. They will learn eventually.
11 p.m. SO and I chat while watching an existentialist movie. I’m in a bad mood so I question yet again why he enjoys spending time with me. He responds with, “Everyone has bad days, you don’t suddenly become a person I dislike. What sort of person would I be if I didn’t want to help you through them? You being happy adds to my own happiness and that is that.” I know we’re young, but we actually are committed to each other, and more often than not I think we have a really good thing going. I fall asleep talking to him. The two-hour time difference is just enough to make me a bit more tired than him.
9 a.m. Wake up early (for a Saturday) to work some extra hours for my professor. She is going up for tenure, which is ridiculously important. I text my SO something cutesy to let him know I’m thinking of him. The typical, “Why good morning, you, I hope you have a fabulous day!” He is going to be at a computer lab all day and I will be working, then going to the toga party, so we won’t be able to talk a ton today. Those days happen.
11 a.m. I spend hours copying things for my professor. She discusses my future with me and whether I may end up going to grad school. Those moments are always difficult because on one hand I have my own future to consider, but on the other hand, on the off chance SO and I stay together throughout our entire college career, we will want to go to the same city after we graduate. It’s hard because I love being with him, but statistically I know that we aren’t likely to stay together. It’s difficult knowing that I’m doing something probably unintelligent but not caring. In the end, I don’t know what will happen but I will just continue as we are for now.
10:15 p.m. I start my new birth control pack. I obsessively take my birth control within almost 30 seconds of the same time every night. SO and I don’t use condoms, so my birth control has to be taken perfectly.
11 p.m. I go to the toga party. It’s the typical college frat party scene: lots of people dressed ridiculously, drinking, and dancing around a darkly lit room that is overheating. It’s fun and I get to talk a lot with my sorority sisters.
Midnight SO and I exchange good nights and stories from our day. We almost always end our conversations with “*Hugs*” or “You know I love you, right?” It’s cheesy, but always makes me smile.
TOTALS: 8 orgasms (all manually given); 1 cyber sex session; 5 naughty texts received; 4 naughty texts sent; daily sexual frustration.