early and often

Nine Jobs That Mitt Romney Would Be Perfect For

After losing his second presidential race, Mitt Romney is finally done with elective office forever. Now speculation has begun as to what he’ll do next. In the Times today, friends and advisers suggest that Romney might write a book, return to finance, or take a leadership role in the Mormon Church, among other fairly predictable options. But we have some other ideas for jobs that are perfectly suited to Romney’s unique set of tastes and talents.

Tree Trimmer
Because Romney has somehow discovered the objectively ideal tree height.

Photo: Bill Oxford/Copyright: Bill Oxford

Transition Specialist
Because a guy who “loves being able to fire people” would be perfect for the job held by George Clooney’s character in Up in the Air.

New Mad Men Character
He buys the firm, lays off everyone except Don Draper and a janitor, and sells it for a $30 million profit six months later.

Because he looks like a mannequin.

Photo: Eric Rowley/Getty Images

NASCAR team owner
So he could hang out with his “great friends.”

Photo: Geoff Burke/2012 Getty Images

Stock Photo Model
Romney could be paid handsomely just for posing while doing everyday things … handsomely.

Photo: Joe Raedle/2012 Getty Images

Marketing Consultant for Lemonade Companies
Because Romney appreciates the basic essence of lemonade better than anyone.

Photo: Corbis

Professional Poolside Giant Jenga Athlete
(Romney would first have to create the National Poolside Giant Jenga League, or NPGJL, which currently does not exist for some reason.)

Maoist Guerilla leader
When you combine Romney’s strong desire for political power with his weakness at courting voters and his incredible skill at ideological reinvention, his career path is obvious. Obamacare is socialism, Romney invented Obamacare — boom, done. (H/T Intel Jon)

Photo: Jamie Sabau/2012 Getty Images

Have another suggestion for Romney? Leave it in the comments or on Twitter with the hashtag #NextRomneyJobs and we’ll feature the best ones.


Too soon. @haje16 Director of the Central Intelligence Agency #NextRomneyJobs
Friday November 9, 2012 3:32 Adampasick
via @kevinroose -- Holly Petraeus works at the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau
Friday November 9, 2012 3:23 Adampasick
"Sen.-Elect Warren Looking For ‘Smart, Thoughtful’ Staff" bit.ly/YZyXo5
Friday November 9, 2012 3:21 Adampasick
You will love @AnnaHolmes' summary of the campaign. gqm.ag/WL978P Soundtrack: Fela Kutie's "Expensive shit."
Friday November 9, 2012 3:18 moorehn
The entire Internet from approximately 2:45 to 3:30 bit.ly/85EJd
Friday November 9, 2012 3:17 Adampasick
What should Mitt Romney's next gig be? We suggest lady blogger, @DailyIntel. nym.ag/ZetdpD #NextRomneyJobs
Friday November 9, 2012 3:08 TheCut
Two words: Anna. Chapman.
Friday November 9, 2012 3:07 Adampasick
Star of live-action movie adaptation of "Get Your War On" #NextRomneyJobs cc @letsgetshort
Friday November 9, 2012 3:03 Adampasick
.@DailyIntel commenters' best #NextRomneyJobs - Stock laughter laugher, Barber, Weathervane, Dad Jeans by Mitt Romney bit.ly/YZkM25
Friday November 9, 2012 2:58 Adampasick
Friday November 9, 2012 2:13 Adampasick
Friday November 9, 2012 2:12 Adampasick
Friday November 9, 2012 2:12 stellabugbee
New host of MTV's "Pranked" #NextRomneyJobs
Friday November 9, 2012 2:12 Adampasick
Friday November 9, 2012 2:12 ItsMeghanT
Friday November 9, 2012 2:11 Karen_Matilda
Friday November 9, 2012 2:11 djdrm
Friday November 9, 2012 2:11 djdrm
Friday November 9, 2012 2:11 marcgeelhoed
RT @Adampasick: Shift supervisor in a binder factory #NextRomneyJobs
Friday November 9, 2012 2:11 mopartybox
Friday November 9, 2012 2:11 Adampasick
RT @jessmisener: Playing Don Draper's creepy uncle on "Mad Men" #NextRomneyJobs
Friday November 9, 2012 2:11 bewilldered
Friday November 9, 2012 2:10 kurtsoller
RT @TheOther_MJ: .@MittRomney would be an ideal contestant on the Celebrity Apprentice #NextRomneyJobs
Friday November 9, 2012 2:10 epollaert
Friday November 9, 2012 2:10 Adampasick