Dog Clones Wreaking Havoc on the Upper West Side

Prodigy, Valor, and Dejavu are pictured during a press conference on June 17, 2009 in Los Angeles, California to present the 6-month to 2-month-old cloned puppies of Trakr, a German shepherd, who sniffed out survivors from under the rubble of New York's World Trade Center after the 2001 terror strikes. Trakr was cloned in South Korea under the direction of Doctor Hwang Woo-Suk. AFP PHOTO / GABRIEL BOUYS (Photo credit should read GABRIEL BOUYS/AFP/Getty Images)
Some other cloned canines. Photo: GABRIEL BOUYS/2009 AFP

When 45-year-old Gary Rintel’s dog died he did what any truly loving pet owner would do: He made a hat out of the short-haired collie/Great Pyrenees mix’s fur and paid $140,000 to have him cloned twice. Unfortunately, like most clones, the resulting animals turned out to be evil. Residents of their Upper West Side neighborhood told the New York Post that the unholy creatures, Retro and Cosmo, are known for chasing other dogs into buildings and occasionally biting people who get in their way. “They look like lions in the jungle. They roam free,” said a neighbor.

Of course, it doesn’t help that Rintel refuses to put them on a leash (a choice that has resulted $2,000 in fines so far.) “He ignores his dogs as they’re bounding down the sidewalk, and he screams at them as though they understand what he’s saying,” explained another area human. Rintel, for his part, says his pets are “playful and under check.” He added, “The idea that two dogs are savaging the Upper West Side isn’t true.” We’re not sure who we believe, but the story serves as a helpful reminder to prepare for clone warfare.