crimes and misdemeanors

Police Claim They Caught the ‘Well-Dressed’ Groper for Real This Time

Photo: NYPD

After the wrongful arrest of a bible-studying doppelgänger, the NYPD believes they have finally nailed the natty pervert known as the “well-dressed” or “gentleman” groper. Paul Kraft, 31, has been charged with five counts of forcible touching and five counts of sexual abuse, along with unlawful surveillance, for allegedly grabbing women around the city. “We did lineups with all five victims and four of them positively [identified] him,” a police source told the New York Post. “He’s a dead ringer for the man on the video,” he added unconvincingly. “It’s him. His MetroCard places him at the crime scenes.” Much better. Let’s hope so.

‘Well-Dressed’ Groper Caught for Real This Time