imagined conversations

What Robots Will Talk About on the Robot Internet

Robot using the robot internet in the year 2024. Photo: iStockphoto

Robots confused about what they encounter in the world of humans can now get help online … Instead of every robot building up its own idiosyncratic catalogue of how to deal with the objects and situations it encounters, Rapyuta would be the place they ask for help when confronted with a novel situation, place or thing. —BBC News, “Web-based ‘brain’ for robots goes live.”

Robo23987: Hello, room. Assistance required regarding novel situation.
Robo44450: Is it two canines sniffing each others' anuses? I was confused by this myself recently. One canine had its nose — 
Robo23987: It is not two dogs sniffing each others' anuses. 
Robo44450: Okay.

[Robo44450 has left Rapyuta.]

Robo23987: My human emerged from the bed chamber at noon today. Then it moved to the TV chamber and stared at the TV. That was nine hours ago. It is still sitting in the same position, looking at the TV, although its body posture has slowly deteriorated throughout the day. Is my human dead?
Robo12138: Hello, I believe your human is binge-watching a TV show.
Robo23987: Define.
Robo12138: A human who has not seen a popular TV show may be ostracized by its peers. During the process of binge-watching, the human will temporarily shun interaction with fellow humans in order to gain knowledge of the TV show through prolonged and devoted exposure.
Robo23987: Shall I initiate emergency defibrillation, to be safe? According to my programming, the human should demonstrate physical motion on a regular basis during waking hours.
Robo58200: I would not recommend. Humans do not respond well to unnecessary electrical charges.
Robo23987: Very well. I will leave my human alone until it is time for his daily manual stimulation. Thank you, room.

[Robo23987 has left Rapyuta.]

Robo44611: Hello, room. I am confused. My human is screaming at me, although I cooked its food according to the specifications it indicated on my interface. I am a toaster. Please assist.

How Robots Will Talk on the Robot Internet