sex diaries

The Woman Whose Partner Is in a Wheelchair

Once a week, Daily Intelligencer takes a peek behind doors left slightly ajar. This week, the Woman Whose Partner Is in a Wheelchair: Female, 44, Rehoboth Beach, Writer, in a monogamous relationship, bisexual.


8 a.m. Alarm is going off and partner, Jew Dreamy (JD), groans and turns it off. He moves one of the dogs off the bed and pulls me closer, sliding his hand up my tank top. I know what this means. It’s his code for “Sex. Now. Please.” I giggle, say, “We can’t, we can’t.” It’s pouring rain. I want to sleep for another couple of hours but it’s tough for JD to walk the dogs in the rain because he’s in a wheelchair and can’t hold an umbrella while he rolls around. I’m wondering if I’ll feel less guilty about him walking the dogs in the rain if I give him a blow job. But I really have to pee. By the time I get back to bed, he’s up getting ready to walk the dog so I sleep in.

2:04 p.m. We take a lunch break, since JD works at home a couple of days a week. We start to give each other hand jobs, but I know he has to get back to work and I don’t like to be rushed, so I shoo him away back to his desk. I finger myself quickly, thinking of the sounds JD makes when he ejaculates. I orgasm in about 90 seconds and then take a quick nap.

9:12 p.m. JD slides his hands up my shirt and rubs my tits. I shake my head, say, “I have to finish working first.” He nods. I’d really like to blow off work and just have some crazy good sex. Or even mediocre sex. 

1:03 a.m. We talk endlessly about getting to bed earlier but it almost never happens. I’m finishing up revising a novel on deadline and working on a bunch of other projects. Jew Dreamy likes morning sex and I like nighttime sex, so sometimes we are out of synch. I’d be interested in a little action but he’s snoring … and so it goes. 


10:14 a.m. From the next room I sext JD: “Come fuck me?” No response. Instead, a few minutes later he calls out, “I saw your text and I’d love to but I need to talk to the mortgage broker.” After a year together we’ve decided to be together forever and are in the process of merging our lives. This week: We’re buying a house. It’s hard on our sex life, this merging. 

8:09 p.m. I’m stepping out of the shower, shaving my legs, getting ready for bed/sex. Happy. 

9:42 p.m. We’re going to have sex, and tomorrow JD leaves town for two days, so I’m thinking we should try to get crazy. But he has to be up at six and my head is all on my novel. Not sure I can get into it. I think this weekend we need to try to have some crazy boozy sex.

10:15 p.m. It’s easier for us to have intercourse with me on top, which I’ve never felt like I was very good at. It’s not my best sport, though I’m pretty good at everything else in bed. We can have sex other ways, but it just take a little arranging to do because of JD’s injury. He was partially paralyzed as a passenger in a car accident 25 years ago, when he was 16. I always think I look extra fat when I’m on top, so I’m glad I’m wearing a sexy-ish lacy tank top thingy. JD likes to take my breasts out of it when I’m on top of him but I like having it on because it makes me feel sexier, actually. This works for both of us.

11:02 p.m. The dirty talk gets me into the game every time, and God, JD is good at it. Incredibly good. I like the vivid descriptions of what we’re doing, going to do, and I like the part where we both are too into it to keep talking. Lots of talking, touching, groping, him fingering me until I orgasm, me giving him head until he nearly ejaculates.

11:50 p.m. I climb on top of him and we have fast sex until I started to orgasm again and then he orgasms, too. Good stuff. 


6:49 a.m. JD wakes me up before he leaves. I hate Wednesday mornings. JD leaves our tiny beach town and goes to D.C. on Wednesday mornings and doesn’t come back until Thursday night so he can work from his office there on Wednesday and Thursday, and sometimes Friday, too. It blows. This morning is full of rushed kisses. Quick mentions of how great last night was. Then: He’s gone. Sometimes when he leaves the big dog won’t eat all day and the little dog just stands at the door and cries. Truly. I understand. I feel the same way. Now, though, I have to walk the dogs.

8:12 a.m. I rub a quick one out as I’m getting out of the shower after running, remembering JD last night, his hands on me, him murmuring dirty things. Mmm.

10:02 a.m. JD texts me that he has made it to the office and that he loves me and hates being away, and that he hopes I am as fired up for sex when he gets back tomorrow night as I was last night. I appreciate his matter-of-factness about his love and his likes. “Promise,” I text back. One thing about JD, when we first met I appropriated a Henry Miller line and told him I wanted to be fucked so I’d stay fucked. He promised and he has kept his promise. I feel, even when we haven’t had a chance to have sex for a while, like I’m constantly freshly fucked by him. It’s his superpower, I sometimes tell him, and we laugh. (But I mean it.)

2:14 p.m. JD texts me: “I want to come home, bend you over the couch, lift up your skirt and do you hard and fast from behind and come all over you.” How am I supposed to get work done?

7:12 p.m. I text JD. “Love you, miss you, want you. Come home.” He texts back “On metro, will call after I’m home and have had some food. Want you too.”

9:44 p.m. JD and I Facetime with him in bed in D.C. The first couple months we were together we spent the bulk of our time separated — him in D.C., me at the beach. We had a dirty, incredible phone sex life then that I think it’s time to reinvigorate, but not tonight. Tonight our talk is about the contract on the house we are buying at the beach and his work and mine and I can tell he’s exhausted. Ah well.

1:14 a.m. I text JD that I’m headed to bed, knowing that he will sleep through the text if he’s asleep. He texts me back immediately. “I’m awake, been sleeping on and off. I hate sleeping without you.” “Me too, me too” I text back. It’s not the worst thing to be this kind of in love this late in life. My weapon of choice in the battle of sleep without JD in bed: Tylenol P.M. for the nights he is gone. 


8:06 a.m. JD calls me on the way to his office and says he can’t wait to be home tonight to go down on me. I yawn and say “Can’t wait,” then get up to pee and walk the dogs. 

10:14 a.m. I’m back in bed, masturbating, trying to make it take longer for me to orgasm, but it’s hopeless. I’m thinking of JD going down on me and after a couple of minutes, I can’t help it. When I touch myself, I orgasm in seconds. After, I text JD: “Just had great orgasm imagining your tongue.” He texts back: “That’s my dirty girl.” I love him for a thousand reasons; this is one.

2:42 p.m. Text from JD: “Work problems and I’m tired. Might work late and just drive down tomorrow morning early.” I am glad he’s going to stay if he’s tired, I text back: “So, I guess your DC gf gets your magic tongue tonight, not me?” He texts back “MIMI,” which is from Treme — it is shorthand between us that has come to mean, “Stop with the misbehaving.” Then he texts “It’s you and only you.” I know this is true 100000 percent and I text back “I know, baby, I know.” He knows I know and that this is some weird mating ritual of mine.

7:29 p.m. “Be ready for me in the morning,” he texts. “I already am,” I reply.

10:10 p.m. Facetime with JD who is finally home from the office. He looks exhausted and kind of vaguely blue. He’s planning to be here at 9 a.m. I tell him I can’t wait to spend the morning in bed with him. He replies, “I can’t wait for you to be my filthy slut in the morning.”

1:16 a.m. I finger myself but don’t let myself orgasm, wanting to wait for him.


9:09 a.m. JD arrives, heralded by the barking of our dogs. I get up and kiss him; he rolls out to walk one of our dogs. 

9:18 a.m. I’m crawling back in bed from peeing, brushing teeth, washing face, drinking some juice. JD brings dog one back in and takes the other dog out. 

9:28 a.m. I’m touching myself when JD comes back in with the dog and disappears to the bathroom.

9:32 a.m. JD gets into bed, naked. He pushes up behind me and I can feel how hard he is. We have sex with him behind me, touching my clit. I orgasm hard and then start to again a few minutes later, which makes him start to ejaculate. We come hard nearly together and then fall asleep. 

8:14 p.m. It’s been a crazy day of work, calls from JD’s office, all sorts of negotiating stuff on the house. We slip out for dinner. 

10:02 p.m. After a good shake-it-off dinner and a couple of cocktails each, we each have an after dinner coffee.

3:16 a.m. Finally going to sleep after hours of talking in bed. Great night of planning, exploring each other, touching, and kissing. Now, time to sleep.

3:17 a.m. Reach into JD’s boxers and take his semi-hard penis into my hand as we fall asleep.


11:25 a.m. Wake up to sleeping JD and sleeping dogs, which means he got up early and walked them and fed them. He’s a saint. A sleeping, snoring, Jewish saint. I creep out of bed. 

1 p.m. I wake the saint up with kisses, so we aren’t both up until three again. He tries to slip me some tongue, but he tastes like a thousand old men this morning.

7:16 p.m. We get takeout. JD is reading on couch; I’m working at the table next to him. Cozy.

1:13 a.m. I shake JD awake on the sofa. I’m ready for bed. Finally.

1:27 a.m. I think we are going to sleep but JD moves on top of me, kissing his way down my body. When he starts going down on me, it’s crazy good and hot and unexpected. I orgasm quickly, though I don’t have a firm grasp on time. I know I should reciprocate, but I just want to go to sleep, and JD seems to know it. I roll into him and crash on his chest, his arm around me.


9 a.m. The alarm goes off. We have a 10 a.m. call with our real-estate agent, so there is much rushing about. I want every morning to be a languorous morning in bed. 

12:36 p.m. We’re in the car, JD is driving, and I rub him through his jeans. headed out on a full day of errands, chores, etc. I wish we were home in bed. Once a month we take 48 hours to have “us weekends” where all we do is talk and screw, but it’s not enough. I want more; he wants more. We need to get more sex time, more us time. We talk about talking about it as soon as we get through the house-buying stuff and making a plan to get more of one another.

6:12 p.m. Finally home, I have to work. JD goes out with some friends for drinks. 

8:35 p.m. JD and I have a quick dinner standing in the kitchen and I head back to my desk to work. He settles down on the couch in the next room to read/work.

11:12 p.m. I hear JD snoring. I know by the time I’m ready for bed he will be too tired for sex.

1:34 a.m. I wake JD up from his sleep on the couch and we go to bed (to sleep).

TOTALS: 2 acts of intercourse; 2 acts oral sex (received); 4 acts of masturbation; 11 orgasms.

The Woman Whose Partner Is in a Wheelchair