Rob Ford definitely has a career ahead of him in professional wrestling if politics doesn’t work out (and he avoids prison). The latest in a long line of alcohol-and-drug-fueled embarrassments for the Toronto mayor is a video purchased by the Toronto Sun and Toronto Star — not the infamous crack tape — in which an admittedly “very, very inebriated” Ford huffs and puffs and carries on like a coked-up, out-of-shape Stone Cold Steve Austin. (Also: Chris Farley.) The full context is unclear here, but Ford is insistent that he needs either ten or fifteen minutes to kill someone in “that ring,” while in his underwear.
For those in an environment where loud, excessive profanity is frowned upon, a full transcript of Ford’s motivational speech:
’Cause I’m going to kill that fucking guy. I’m telling you it’s first-degree murder.
But I’ll fight him! I’ll … [noise that sounds like grrrrasdfja;kf]
No holds barred, brother! He dies or I die, brother. Brother you’ve never seen me fucking go. You think so, brother? But when he’s down, I’ll rip his fucking throat out. I’ll poke his eyes out.
I will — fuck — when he’s dead, you help me make sure that motherfucker’s dead. I need fucking ten minutes to make sure he’s dead. It’ll be over in five minutes, brother. If I’m done in ten minutes …
It’ll be a bad scene. I am a sick motherfucker, dude. Like no one’s going to fuck around with me. My brothers are — don’t tell me we’re liars, thieves, birds? It hurts.
That little prick’s a racist fuck, daddy. [unintelligible] Randy walks … [unintelligible] 80-year-old birds …
This shit, brother. I just need to go, fucking by myself, in my fucking underwear. I want to go with this guy. I need fifteen minutes, that’s all. No fucking interference, brother. If I win, I will fucking donate …
No problem, bro. I need fifteen minutes. I need fifteen minutes.
No, no, no. No, no, no. Not going to do it for five. No, no, no, no, no. Not doing it in five. I’m gonna prepare for it. I will call it. And I will fucking be in that ring.