How to Spend Thanksgiving Utterly Alone

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Thanks to the unfortunate timing of this week’s Nor’thanksgivingukkeaster, millions of Americans in the Northeast may find themselves unable to drive or fly to their planned Thanksgiving destinations tomorrow. But if your flight gets canceled or the roads become impassable, it’s okay — you can still celebrate Thanksgiving at home, by yourself. Here’s how!

 Don’t even worry about a turkey. It’s too much hassle for just one person, eating by himself.

• You probably have some frozen crap in your freezer? A burrito, maybe? Pour some canned cranberry sauce on there and you’re good to go. 

• Well, it’s time for everyone to say what they’re thankful for this year. Don’t bother, though, nobody will hear you. 

• The cranberry sauce and the burrito are not complementing each other well at all, but it’s too late, your burrito is covered in it. 

• You thought you microwaved the burrito long enough, but the center is still a little cold. Sigh loudly, then keep eating, because at this point, whatever. 

• This is usually when you’d be arguing with your aunt’s new boyfriend about the Iranian nuclear deal. Again, though, you are completely alone, so continue to sit in total silence.