nazi puppies!!

Sean Parker Becomes Latest Tech Billionaire to Invoke Nazis for Absolutely No Reason

Napster and Facebook billionaire Sean Parker has been greatly wronged again. When the tech press reported that his $10 million Games of Thrones-style wedding in a California redwood forest was bad for the earth, he responded with a 9,500 word rebuttal. This time, with Valleywag reporting that his neighbors on 10th Street in Manhattan were upset that the street was supposedly torn apart to install Verizon FiOS internet in his $20 million home, Parker again sat down at his keyboard to compose a response. Unfortunately for common sense and goodwill on earth, he took a page from the playbook of fellow out-of-touch tech one-percenter, Tom “Kristallnacht” Perkins.

In an email rant to the New York Post, Parker compared Gawker Media/Valleywag publisher Nick Denton to “Joseph Goebbels’ annoying little shitzu [sic]” and then reused the ill-advised metaphor to hit “Page Six”:

You probably feel as though Nick Denton, with his reputation as a legendary muckraker, a real Bob Woodward type, leaves you no choice but to jump on every scoop that he and his team of misfit mini-me’s manage to break at Gawker. If you didn’t fast-follow, you’d risk being left in the dust by the frenzied pace with which he and his deranged little elves can churn out under-reported, nonsensical, lowbrow bullshit.

“You … must feel constant, unrelenting pressure from Denton, that sinister little beast that he is, always nipping at your heels like a tiny obnoxious dog (the kind of dog whose head could only be a fraction the size of Denton’s giant oversized pumpkin head) … Nick Denton is basically Joseph Goebbels’ annoying little shitzu [sic].

“You’re always going to be less irritating and unfortunately much, much easier to sue since you don’t have the luxury of operating your super-villain lair out of some tin pot banana republic like the Cayman Islands. [Gawker recently responded to a suit from Quentin Tarantino claiming the company was based in the Cayman Islands.] When compared to the ferocity of Goebbels’ fleet of diminutive attack dogs, Page Six is now the slow, soft, fluffy, methodical and even sometimes — wait for it — accurate NY gossip rag. If Denton is Goebbels’ shitzu [sic], then that makes you Murdoch’s dobermin [sic] pincher [sic], politely sleeping by the fire for most of the day and only occasionally waking up to bark when the doorbell rings.”

And for the record, Parker informed Valleywag in an email that did not include a Nazi reference, he doesn’t even use that $20 million home. “My wife and I don’t live in that house on 10th street and we haven’t lived there for over a year … We occasionally allow friends who need a place to stay to crash there.” Just in case you thought he couldn’t get less relatable. 

Sean Parker Thinks the Press Is Like Nazi Dogs