international intrigue

Obama Sanctions Friends of Putin, Russia Retaliates With Mixed Metaphor

US President Barack Obama speaks on the situation in Ukraine on the South Lawn of the White House on March 20, 2014. Obama delivered his statement before boarding Marine One and departing for Florida.
Photo: MANDEL NGAN/AFP/Getty Images

President Obama announced new sanctions this morning against seven additional Russian officials, including advisers to Putin, and a bank, in response to the country’s continued annexation of Crimea. “The United States is today moving, as we said we would, to impose additional costs on Russia,” said Obama, in front of a helicopter, ahead of a trip to Florida. “These are all choices that the Russian government has made, choices that have been rejected by the international community.”

Russia then sanctioned us right back, hitting Senators [sic] Harry “Reed” and House Speaker John “Beyner.” That’s Russian for “Boehner.”

White House advisers Ben Rhodes, Caroline Atkinson, and Dan Pfeiffer, along with Senators John McCain, Dan Coats, and Mary Landrieu, have also been banned from entering the country. “The Speaker is proud to be included on a list of those willing to stand against Putin’s aggression,” said a spokesperson for Boehner.

There should be no doubt, we will respond in kind to any hostile action,” said Russia’s Foreign Ministry. “We have warned repeatedly that the use of sanctions is a double-edged sword that will boomerang against the United States.” Note to Washington, D.C.: Beware flying swords.

U.S., Russia Trade Sanctions, Metaphors