early and awkward

Tea Party Candidate Crazier Than Usual, Thinks Opponent Is Secretly Dead

It is widely known Rep. Frank D. Lucas is no longer alive and has been displayed by a look alike,” congressional challenger Timothy Ray Murray explained in a statement on his bonkers website (previewed above) following Tuesday’s primary in Oklahoma. “Rep. Lucas’ look alike was depicted as sentenced on a white stage in southern Ukraine on or about Jan. 11, 2011.” He keeps going, in various colors, with erratic capitalization.

Murray claims to be challenging the election on these grounds, although he has not filed a formal petition. He also promises, “I will NEVER use Artificial Intelligence look alike to voice what. The Representative’s Office is doing nor own a robot look alike.” (No clue.)

Many things have been said about me, said to me in the course of all my campaigns,” said Lucas in a statement. “This is the first time I’ve ever been accused of being a body double or a robot.” He added, “I’ve never been to Ukraine.” And, just in case, a spokesperson told HuffPost, “I can assure you that the congressman is alive.” No gray area here.

Lucas won more than 82.8 percent of the vote this week, while Murray received 5.2 percent. That means 3,442 people voted for Murray, whose website, once again, looks like this. America!

Tea Party Candidate Says Rival Is Actually Dead