New York Magazine Competition No. 37: Christmas Exposés

Welcome back to the New York Magazine Competition. On alternate Mondays, we lay out a challenge and offer a sample responses. Enter in the comments section, or on Twitter with the hashtag we’ve provided, and the editors will select a winner. Criteria are highly subjective, but heavily retweeted and favorited posts will have an advantage. The prize is a year’s subscription to New York in print or a two-year subscription to the iPad edition (winner’s choice). Full rules are here.

COMPETITION NO. 37: CHRISTMAS EXPOSÉS: Please offer the tabloid approach to a familiar holiday carol or theme. For example:

Rudolph: “I Just Wanted to Be Liked”

Hey, Kids, I Started Smoking That Corncob Pipe at 10, and Now I’m Dead”

Joseph to Maury: “I’m Not the Father!”

A One-Horse Open Sleigh of Misery: PETA Speaks Out

Enter on Twitter with the hashtag #tabloidxmas, or in the comments thread below, by December 23.

RESULTS OF COMPETITION NO. 36, “MISPLACED EMPHASIS,”  in which you were asked for a phrase or title given new meaning by its delivery.


Hell is other people?

That’s what?” she said.

We report you.

Always leave them, laughing as you say good-bye.

Will, you still love me?”

That’s one smallll step … for a MAN.

No, Justice, no! Peace.

Cool hand, Luke.

From: Rags
To: Riches

What is this thing called, love?

Doctor? Nooooo!

Anyway, the wind blows. Doesn’t really matter to me.

Experience is the best, teacher ;)

A penny? For your thoughts?

You? You’re driving me? (Crazy!)

Where in the world is Carmen?”
“San Diego!”

Now is the winter of our dis. Content?

Show a little, class.

I did not have sexual relations with that woman.

Live free or die?

Happiness is not a—

It had to be you?


All the presidents? Men.

Competition No. 37: Christmas Exposés