groundhog day

Rodent Who Lives Underground Protected From Today’s Ice Tempest Predicts Early Spring

PUNXSUTAWNEY, PA - FEBRUARY 02: Groundhog co-handler Ron Ploucha holds Punxsutawney Phil after Phil didn't see his shadow and predicting an early spring during the 127th Groundhog Day Celebration at Gobbler's Knob on February 2, 2013 in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania. The Punxsutawney 'Inner Circle' claimed that there were about 35,000 people gathered at the event to watch Phil's annual forecast. (Photo by Alex Wong/Getty Images)
Photo: Alex Wong/2013 Getty Images

Today the nation’s foremost groundhogs again endured their least favorite day of the year, being dredged from their homes by humans — some donning ridiculous top hats — and forced to pretend they know anything about meteorology. Where’s PETA when you need them?

Punxsutawney Phil at least appeared to show some semblance of weather awareness this year. Perhaps realizing that it was already snowing, he saw his shadow, thus “predicting” six more weeks of winter. Staten Island Chuck, on the other hand, was uncharacteristically positive for a New Yorker, forecasting that spring will come early this year.

The Staten Island Zoo opted to put Chuck in a plexiglass cage this year so noted groundhog-murderer Mayor de Blasio couldn’t touch him. Honestly, since de Blasio killed the real Staten Island Chuck last year, who knows if we can even trust this new guy.

Groundhogs Can’t Agree on Predictions for Spring