Is America Ready for a Dog President?

Hey, American voter! Are you feeling uninspired by Hillary Clinton and Jeb Bush? Not so sure about Bernie Sanders? Terrified of Donald Trump? Distrustful of human beings in general? There may still be a candidate you can support in 2016: Lucie Lou, the dog mayor of Rabbit Hash, Kentucky (population 315). She has yet to file the paperwork necessary for a presidential run. However, USA Today reports that “she is expected to announce her run for president at the Old Timers Day events Sept. 5.” (“There will be much fanfare,” said Lucie Lou’s human aide, Bobbi Kayser.) 

A border collie who has been Rabbit Hash’s chief executive since 2008, Lucie Lou’s biggest mayoral accomplishment is raising $8,087 for improvements to the town. Those funds came from Rabbit Hash’s $1 voting fee, which does violate certain constitutional principles. The canine campaign was pretty straightforward about the whole thing: “As with politics in every corner of the earth, the candidate with the most money wins. In Rabbit Hash, we’re just honest about it. Anyone of any age can vote, you can vote as many times as you like, and we encourage drinking at the polls,” they said. “We bought that election fair and square!”

Lucie Lou’s party affiliation is unclear, but it’s clear that her realpolitik rivals that of even Trump. Plus, someone needs to put that cat candidate in his place.