the news in 9 headlines

9 Unholy Things That Happened During the Pope’s NYC Visit

Pope Francis. Photo: TIMOTHY A. CLARY

1. NYPD Removed Homeless From Encampment

2. Visit Snarls Delivery Businesses
If you’re late on a bill, call it an act of God.

3. Central Park Got Fenced In
Carriage horses replaced with black, chain-link eyesores.

4. Where’s My iPhone? Pope Ruined Apple Shipments in NY
Risking Siri’s demonic wrath.

5. Wax Figure of Francis Causes Confusion in NYC

6. Here Are All the Banned Items During Pope Francis Events
The pope will not lay hands on your sick cat.

7.  Manhattan Fitness Studios Warn Clients: Pope’s Here
Body-cult members miss daily sacrament.

8. That $95 Helicopter Ride to Avoid Cross-Town Pope Traffic

9. Today the New York Post Is the New York Pope
What about the “Page Six” Six Six?

9 Unholy Side Effects of the Pope’s NYC Visit