giving back

Is It Better to Adopt a Rubio Staffer, a Kitten, or a Water Buffalo?

Photo: Simon Murrell/Corbis

Republican presidential candidate Marco Rubio recently added “Adopt a Staffer for the Day” as an option in the campaign store. It costs you $250, and in return you’ll be mentioned on Twitter and get an update from the impoverished Young Republican taker — who’d better be cute! (No, this is not welfare, since they have to work!)

How does it compare to other selfless adoptions you might try out?

Adopting a highway is not only an act of public service, but you also get a sign by the side of the road. It costs $200 to $600 a month.

If you’d prefer something living, the U.K.’s Wildlife Trust offers adoptions of everything from a Konik pony to an Aberdeen Angus for under $30.

You can also adopt a star, or an iguana, or a sloth. For only $100, you could adopt a buffalo who lives at Shelby Park Farms in Tennessee, and you get a “Roam the Park” buffalo sticker and a small, plush buffalo (a plush Rubio staffer might be a great gift for the even younger Republicans in your life!).

Why adopt a Rubio staffer when, for the same price via Heifer International, you could adopt an entire water buffalo? A Rubio staffer definitely can’t help till a family rice paddy and probably won’t provide enough nutritious milk to feed children for days at a time.

You can adopt a kitten from the ASPCA for about half the price of a Rubio staffer.

Apparently you can adopt an entire herd of manatees, Florida’s most famous aquatic residents, for the cost of a single Rubio staffer. Rubio staffers, however, are much less likely to be hit by a boat.

Should You Adopt a Rubio Staffer?