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New Jersey Lawmaker Wants to Ban Texting While Walking, Which: Good Luck

Photo-Illustration: Following/Getty Images

New Jersey assemblywoman Pamela Lampitt wants to ban texting while walking, to which I say: Haha, good luck, chump.

The measure … would ban walking while texting and bar pedestrians on public roads from using electronic communication devices unless they are hands-free. Violators would face fines of up to $50, 15 days imprisonment or both, which is the same penalty as jaywalking.

First things first: Texting while walking can be a hazard. Who hasn’t walked into a pole or a fire hydrant while writing a hilarious Facebook post that got thousands of likes? We’ve all done it.

That said, if those N.J. government fat cats down in Trenton think they can make me not text and walk, they’re crazy. I love to text and walk. I was born in New Jersey and I will die in New Jersey — hit by a Ford assembled in the now-demolished Edison plant while texting in the street.

You couldn’t stop me from texting, I’m crazy about it. You know that classic Bruce Springsteen lyric — on “Out In The Street” he sings, “When I’m out in the street/I talk the way I wanna talk.” That was about text messaging on my 4G LTE smartphone.

You see, we have a tradition in New Jersey — walking down the middle of the New Jersey Turnpike, on our phones. We’re all headed over to Bon Jovi’s house for pork roll. Then we all go to the movies for a screening of that classic, On The Waterfront, which was filmed in Hoboken.

It’s because of that classic New Jersey stubbornness that this law is never going to catch on. As we say in New Jersey: “The Sopranos. Newark.”

N.J. Lawmaker Wants to Ban Texting While Walking