It’s the Friday before Memorial Day, and much like everyone else, the internet seems to have checked out early. The meme well is empty; the viral-content stream has run dry. But your humble bloggers are, as all pioneers, hoarders: We keep with us many excellent web bits and bobs that we’ve found every week that we don’t have the time to write up, but that nonetheless deserve your amusement. Here are some of the best things we found this week, collected for your amusement.
“How I used lies about a cartoon to prove history is meaningless on the internet,” by Jordan Minor.
In or around 2003, Minor added a bunch of fake episodes (“Goin’ Clammando”) and cast listings (shark-jumper Henry Winkler) to the TV wiki TV Tome, which was then acquired by CBS Interactive. All of TV Tome’s data was imported into the more legit site TV.com, and now all of Minor’s fake information continues to float around the internet.
Brian Feldman: My favorite thing about it is that a major company bought a wiki? What an innocent time 2003 was, when a company could look at a user-run wiki and be like, “I bet nobody lied. Let’s import all the data.”
Madison Malone Kircher: Goin’ Clammando! Lolol.
BF: The point is: I like it when people lie on the internet in innocuous ways, and this is a very good collective lie. I bet if we called up Henry Winkler and asked him about Street Sharks, he would say that he loved working on it.
MMK: I mean, I for one thought he was great on Street Sharks.
BF: Hard agree on that.
Two nice bros help out another bro by passing him a Natty Ice.
BF: I hate Barstool Sports, but this is nice.
MMK: I am a woman, so I am also contractually obligated to hate Barstool Sports.
BF: Who would you pass a Natty Ice to if you passed them on the highway?
MMK: Oh wow, that’s a thought. I think if I ever saw the Oscar Mayer Weinermobile I’d be obliged to pass that guy an Ice. Because who needs a crappy beer more than the person behind the wheel of a giant hot dog? Though, let’s be real: The best thing in this video is the subtle Ja Rule underscoring.
BF: I’m a fan of how the RV says “WE INVENTED THE INTERNET” on the side, which is categorically false. Unless Barstool and DARPA are closer than we know.
Desert Canyon Middle School’s sixth-grade choir performed this nightmare-inducing choreographed rendition of Silentó’s “Watch Me” at their spring concert.
MMK: Let’s talk about something equally terrifying: these sixth-grade choir kids singing “Watch Me.” I think I account for a solid half of the views on YouTube.
BF: Oh yes. I only have one thought about this and the thought is: No, thank you!
MMK: But you have to watch it till the end at least once. The collective dab will make you weep for our future.
BF: I am already weeping constantly. Way ahead of you.
MMK: So woke.
Makeup artist uses chicken wings and sauce instead of actual makeup. Yes, you read that right.
BF: This is the first good makeup tutorial I’ve ever seen.
MMK: Are you feeling inspired to go buy the product? The true sign of a good tutorial.
BF: I am. Does she get a referral? Or commission? I mean commission.
MMK: Maybe? Wingstop, are you listening?
BF: This tweet got ripped off a billion times, right? That’s a lot of lost income.
MMK: So many lost wings. To be honest, I think I’m too much of an autumn for that color palette. Might look nice on you, though.
BF: I’ll try anything (smearing wing sauce on my body) once.
A thread about Yakety Sax remixes brings audio horror to life.
MMK: What am I looking at here?
BF: The Yakety Sax thing?
MMK: Yeah, you seem to have some real stake in this.
BF: I’m partially responsible for bringing this hell music to Earth. Jia Tolentino was joking (?) about walking down the aisle to Yakety Sax, and then I brought my friend Demi Adejuyigbe into the thread because he makes great mash-ups, and so a Yakety Sax remix thread was born. And I’m not going to lie: All of these new Yakety Saxes bang.
MMK: Yeah, I’m really into the drum-and-bass remix. Reminds me of every good scene from a ’90s movie where people are looking for each other in, like, a mall and keep missing the other by a second or two. It’s a jam.
BF: Oh wow, that is a very specific callback, but it fits perfectly.
Just watch, please.
BF: I would really like to talk about this Vine. Which is only six seconds long but … very dense. I don’t know where to start.
MMK: The way I see it: In life you can either be crayon kid or dog shirt girl. The Vine is pure allegory.
BF: I think that dialing 911 into a microwave is the funniest thing I’ve ever seen. I’m still thinking about it. Like, I went to microwave something on Wednesday, and I just started laughing! Because of this stupid Vine!
MMK: This Vine brings up some repressed childhood concerns. Has anybody figured out if microwaves are actually giving us cancer?
BF: Uh, you should probably call 911. Using a phone.
MMK: Which might also give you cancer, maybe.
BF: This was a fun and uplifting note to end on, I think.
MMK: Definitely. Now to go find some crayons.