To text or not to text? It’s a predicament that anybody who has ever ended a relationship and owned a cell phone — the cross section of this Venn diagram is, well, large — has faced. You type up your remorseful (or nostalgic, or rage-filled, or sappy) message to your ex and your index finger hovers over that send arrow.
If this describes you at the moment, maybe consider drafting your message in an anonymous spreadsheet entitled “texts i wanna send my ex,” instead of shooting a text to your former paramour. The spreadsheet was created on Valentine’s Day by 24-year-old Sean Drohan. There are currently over 500 texts from people, ranging from sweet — “thanks for the good time, it was an honor and a pleasure having you as my girlfriend for 3 years” — to, well, not sweet — “I cleaned you that time you pooped your pants.” (There are also columns where people are adding comments and messages of support for people sharing their texts.) There’s a pretty wide range of messages.
Some are funny.
“I still have your Netflix password.”
“I knew it was over when you told me your favorite movie was Garden State.”
“You’re such a loser. You created a Twitter account for your cat!”
While others go more for a savage effect.
“If you had spent less time cheating and more time canvassing, Hillary would have took Iowa.”
“My cat is better company. He may not satisfy me sexually … but neither could you.”
“You’ve been a sophomore since we were sophomores.”
“I should have hit you harder with my car.”
“Thanks for telling me about my abandonment issues and then abandoning me. So helpful!”
“Working for Vice doesn’t make you cool. Cocaine neither. You still have my favorite book. Fuck you!”
“I lost 12 pounds without you!”
And then there are the ones that hit just a little too close to home.
“I pretend I’m over you but I spend all day staring at an open Gchat box waiting for it to say ‘typing….’”
“You’re still the first address that pops up on my Uber.”