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If Your Saltshaker Doesn’t Have Bluetooth, Why Do You Even Use Salt?

Pass the Smalt.

Salt. Good old sodium chloride, baby. We need it to stay alive. A long time ago, it was very valuable. There was a pretty good book written about it. A guy went viral for sprinkling it while being handsome.

But what about when you’re just using it at home? You might use a saltshaker. But that shaker probably doesn’t play music. Or change colors. Or have Bluetooth. Your saltshaker is trash, frankly.

Enter Smalt, a Bluetooth-enabled saltshaker and “the first multi-sensory device to make dining experience fun [sic].” Like music? Smalt does. “From Jazz to Johnny Cash, stream your favorite music to set the tone of the party.”

Or maybe your ambience is really bad. (It is.) Smalt can help. “Make any moment more memorable with the color-changing mood light. From an anniversary dinner to a party with friends, create the ambiance that’s right for the night.” Your spouse and friends are already happier just thinking about it.

But here’s the big reveal: “Surprise your guests and their palate with fun, interactive way to shake salt and bring out the flavor.” Try to interact with your current saltshaker. It does nothing.

Do you have a centerpiece? As Smalt’s blog points out, “The artful centerpiece has been around for centuries.” You do have a centerpiece? Well, then: “Centerpieces have evolved in the smart home age.” You gotta keep up.

Bonus: Smalt is also the Norwegian word for “narrow.” Tell everyone that at a dinner party, and you don’t need to leave your Knausgaard books out on the coffee table. Or even buy his books at all. So that’s money in your pocket.

Sign up now, and you’ll get 50 percent off whatever price Smalt ends up selling for. For a saltshaker like this, it’s a bargain at literally any price. Everyone is very excited.

If Your Saltshaker Doesn’t Stream Music, You Should Feel Bad